Monday, April 04, 2011

Arkansas! Motto: It's Better To Look Smart Than Be Smart

We're coming to you today from the Department of Misplaced Opportunities here in the marbled halls of IM Central. the DOMO is a division of the Thinking Is Hard Company, a wholly owned subsidy of Solutions Looking for Problems, Inc.

Now, if you've managed to actually get out of your basement at all in the last several years, you may have noticed that the state of educational achievement in this country has been quite the subject of conversation. It is unfortunate that most of those doing the conversing are totally clueless when it comes to having any expertise in the issue, (we're looking at you Bill Gates) but let's leave for another day a treatise on the lack of a causal relationship between money and intelligence. (Preview: our position is that having a lot of the former does not automatically confer the latter upon you--we're looking at you Donald Trump ).

Well, anyway, global competitiveness, you know? Beat the Chinese to the moon, or some such. (Fun fact: Did you know the best way to learn how to manage the higher level math, physics, material science and all the other stuff  it takes to put a man on the moon is by taking 37 multiple choice tests a year? Starting in pre-school. You can look it up. Also, too, fire all the teachers.)

The point is, the very serious people have become seriously concerned about the serious decline in the quality of American education. Seriously. And since America turned the reigns of power over to the unmedicated last November, the effort to return America to its leadership role in academic achievement is being lead by accomplished educational intellectuals such as these folks.
Arkansas students who love their sagging pants should soon leave them at home. Arkansas Governor Mike Beebe signed a bill on Wednesday that bans students from wearing clothing that exposes "underwear, buttocks or the breast of a female."
For those of you keeping score at home, this isn't some backwoods principal somewhere decreeing  that his school will be free of hip hop attire because he saw "some o' them colored fellas with their skivvies a hangin' out." This is a State Law, duly passed by the legislature of a state ranking 37th out of 50 in education, after--we suppose--reasoned debate, consensus and compromise, then signed by the governor, no doubt in some sort of ceremony, perhaps at a Tux Rental Shop.

OK, we have a couple of questions. First of all, that part about exposing the buttocks. Are plumbers exempted? And the part about female breasts. Is there an epidemic of unfettered teenaged mammaries in Arkansas Public Schools? Why were we not told about this? Are there any job openings? Well, never mind. We guess if Arkansas schools were ever the world headquarters of underage girls gone wild, they aren't anymore thanks to the swift and decisive action of governor Boobie...erm...Beebe.

"We feel the bill can improve the learning environment in schools," said Donna Morey, president of the Arkansas Education Association. "Of course buildings where the roof doesn't leak, and books recent enough to mention the moon landing would also improve the learning environment in schools, but this is all about priorities in an age of limited resources," she added.
"School boards will have to look at existing school dress code policies and make sure they are in compliance with this new law," said Kristen Gould, staff attorney for the Arkansas School Boards Association, a non-profit. "Many of them may well be, and if not, they will have to incorporate it into their current policy and design punishment in accordance."
Wait, School Boards are going to have to come up with dress codes?  Oh man.Who's going to help with that? How will they be trained? You can't just expect them to do stuff they've never had to do before without some kind of support. Oh well, they have no one to blame but themselves. If they had addressed this problem with dress codes in the first place, the governor wouldn't have had to step in and solve the problem for them. That's far seeing leadership stuff right there. Beebe 2012? Not out of the question. Our vote for a slogan? "Beebe in 12. That's My IQ. This Is My Year."
Florida is considering a bill similar to the Arkansas law.
Well of course they are. They're number 36 and you know they hear Arkansas gaining on them now that the students can run without tripping over their pants.

1 comment:

scripto said...

I can see how exposed breasts could lead to episodes of Attention Deficit Disorder but does this law deal with the very real problem of long johns showing through holes in overalls? Does it?