For Us It's Always Been An Issue Of Slaves Rights...Er...States Rights

Frequent reader(s) of this blog will remember the day they surrendered to the inevitability of disappointment...er...we mean will remember that we have admitted on several occasions to being sons of the south.  Having spent out formative years among Bubbas in their natural habitat, we feel uniquely qualified to comment on the contretemps engendered by the forthcoming celebration of southern independence day.

The Civil War, the most wrenching and bloody episode in American history, may not seem like much of a cause for celebration, especially in the South. And yet, as the 150th anniversary of the four-year conflict gets under way, some groups in the old Confederacy are planning at least a certain amount of hoopla, chiefly around the glory days of secession, when 11 states declared their sovereignty under a banner of states’ rights and broke from the union.

Now see, here's the thing all Y'all Yankees don't understand: the war ain't over. Oh sure, Lee surrendered to Grant and we had to let all the darkies go, but that don't mean we ever gave up on those classic southern values of bigotry, backwardness and belligerency. Heck, just ask Eric Cantor.

The events include a “secession ball” in the former slave port of Charleston (“a joyous night of music, dancing, food and drink,” says the invitation), which will be replicated on a smaller scale in other cities. A parade is being planned in Montgomery, Ala., along with a mock swearing-in of Jefferson Davis as president of the Confederacy.

We should point out that the "Session Ball" will be a black tie affair. Umm...black tie, and white face if you get our drift. Also, the role of Jefferson Davis will be played by Rush Limbaugh with Glen Beck representing General Robert E Lee because he already has a Confederate General's uniform.

In addition, the Sons of Confederate Veterans and some of its local chapters are preparing various television commercials that they hope to show next year. “All we wanted was to be left alone to govern ourselves,” says one ad from the group’s Georgia Division.

 Right on Billy Bob. See, that's another thing all Y'all Yankees don't understand. We like the states part of the United States, but not the United part. Point being that outside of NASCAR we're not really comfortable with anything invented after about 1850. Well, maybe air conditioning. And pork rinds. We really like pork rinds, but that's about it, so we'd really prefer it if you'd just leave us out of this whole modern life thing and let us get back to raising cotton and moonshine. Oh, and we'd like the slaves back too.

“We in the South, who have been kicked around for an awfully long time and are accused of being racist, we would just like the truth to be known,” said Michael Givens, commander-in-chief of the Sons, explaining the reason for the television ads. While there were many causes of the war, he said, “our people were only fighting to protect themselves from an invasion and for their independence.”

 Oh, tell it brother Cletus. "Our people" were also fighting to make sure "those people" didn't get too, well, independent if you catch our meaning.

Commemorating the Civil War has never been easy. The centennial 50 years ago coincided with the civil rights movement, and most of the South was still effectively segregated, making a mockery of any notion that the slaves had truly become free and equal.

In our defense we have to say the slaves becoming free and equal has never been a reason for celebrating down here.

The proclamation was urged on by the Sons of Confederate Veterans, which asserts that the Confederacy was a crusade for small government and states’ rights. The sesquicentennial, which coincides now with the rise of the Tea Party movement, is providing a new chance for adherents to promote that view.

 Yeah, and we'd get away with it too if you'd quit bringing up Mississippi's secession papers. Particularly the part that said slavery was “the greatest material interest of the world” and said that attempts to stop it would undermine “commerce and civilization.” Danged liberal press.

Jeff Antley, a member of the Sons of Confederate Veterans and the Confederate Heritage Trust, said he was not defending slavery, which he called an abomination. “But defending the South’s right to secede, the soldiers’ right to defend their homes and the right to self-government doesn’t mean your arguments are without weight because of slavery,” he said."Course if it wasn't for wanting to keep the slaves we'd a never had to do any of that, but I think that's a minor point here."

James W. Loewen, a liberal sociologist and author of “Lies My Teacher Told Me,” put it: “The North did not go to war to end slavery, it went to war to hold the country together and only gradually did it become anti-slavery — but slavery is why the South seceded.”

That's why we started seceding,"  Mr. Antley said. "We ain't done yet."