Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Democrats! Motto: Consistently Underperforming Since 1980

Well, here's a big surprise.

The tax package dictated to President Barack Obama by GOP lawmakers is headed toward passage in the Senate, which we feel obligated to point out contains a majority of democrats, but why should something like that matter because majority rule is only for republicans who, by the way, also run things when they're in the minority. This is why schools are dropping civics classes. They just confuse the students with all this talk of a two party system and one man one vote stuff.

"This proves that both parties can in fact work together when one just does what the other wants and looks out for the American millionaires," Obama said. "I recognize that folks who have to actually work for a living, and pay bills and stuff are unhappy with certain parts of the package and I understand those concerns. I'd share some of them, but the republicans told me not to."

Assistant Democratic Leader Dick Durbin of Illinois said that the wide margin by which the measure cleared the procedural vote should increase the futility of having democrats in the House. "I think the House takes notice," he said, Those guys get elected for six years at a time and if they don't have the cajones to stand up for their beliefs, why should we when we only get elected for two years at a time."

Later Congressman Durbin's office offered an apology to Senators for implying that they had beliefs for which it might be possible to stand up. "The Congressman simply misspoke," and aide told reporters.

Durbin said he understands opposition to the bill from people whose estates consist of a foreclosure notice and a half eaten moon pie, outraged over the substantial relief given the wealthy in estate tax provisions. "In the spirit of the season, it does say `God bless Tiny Tim and Donald Trump," he said. When asked to explain his comment Durbin said "It's the season of  bonuses for bankers who made this mess and protecting rich people who don't need it, but we give all the Tiny Tims a turkey leg so they don't feel neglected. Oh, then we gut their social security.

This week, several Democratic leaders said they may settle for a vote on an amendment that would impose a higher estate tax because republicans told them they could have that, as long as they didn't expect to change anything. "They're so cute when they pout," said one republican senatorial aide, "we couldn't say no."

House Majority Leader Steny Hoyer said many House Democrats still have concerns about passing a lower estate tax. But, Hoyer said, standing up for the middle class would be bad for the nation's indolent rich.

"It is a bait and switch for middle-class families across the country who would no longer have to worry about a massive tax hike come Jan. 1 because rich people will get an even bigger piece of the pie they practically own now," Obama said."But since most of the middle class aren't working or paying taxes it's a kind of a hollow victory I suppose. Still, rich people? I got your back."

"It would offer real tax relief for Americans who are paying for college, parents raising their children and business owners looking to invest in their businesses and propel our economy forward," the president added. "Well, it would if those people had incomes to do those things in the first place, or if those businesses actually used record profits to hire workers. Hey, no plan is perfect, you know?"

Hey, don't tell us about plans that don't work. We elected you, remember?

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