Monday, March 01, 2010

Andy Dillon! Motto: When You Absolutely Positively Think You Can't Do Worse

OK so the person who's been calling herself our governor for the last few years is term limited out and someone else has to take over the helm here in the Water Winter Wonderland. Now, you'd think that given the fact Michigan is the Bangladesh of the Midwest not too many people with IQs on the right side of the number line would figure running a state where informed political  discourse leads to either shutting the state down, or passing a tax bill that's so screwed up they have to repeal it the week after they pass it  is a good career move.

Yeah, you'd think that, but then it occurs to you that people with...erm...challenges have to work too and so we're about to have the Special Olympics of elections.

Yay democracy in action!

The republicans have to get to early nod because they are so much better at being totally disconnected noobs, and true to form they're out of the gate strong. They've got a guy running whose platform is built around the fact that he'd rather be known as a nerd than a republican because, well, who do you think has more voter cred right now?

Then you have Pete Hoekstra, the guy who thinks terrorist attacks are investment opportunities, followed by Mike Bouchard who, along with fellow candidate Mike Cox are going after the youth vote.

Who better to run a state with a collapsing social safety net, an infrastructure disintegrating before our eyes, schools seriously considering going to four day weeks just so they can stay open, and an economy that's so bad even illegal aliens are moving out of the state than a social misfit or people who contribute to the delinquency of minors?

Oh, Ironicus you're thinking, everybody knows the republicans missed the last train to unmedicated self awareness long ago and they aren't about to take the bus. Surely this is all prelude to telling us how the democratic candidate will ride in and save the day. Now go ahead you scamps, lay that famous Ironicus Maximus twist on us. Introduce us to the Barack Obama of the Great Lakes State.

Sorry. We've got Andy Dillon, or as we like to call him, Mitt Romney without the scruples who, when he isn't busy being a republican, spends time as a democrat.This guy is about as close to Barack Obama as pope Benedict is to RuPaul.

Dillon is the Speaker of the Michigan House, controlled by democrats where he regularly caves to the republicans who control the senate. But heck, Andy's got abandoning principles down, you know, so he's looking for a new challenge. Now governor, that's some serious stuff right there baby!

Fly Andy, fly! We even have a slogan for your campaign:

Andy Dillon: If you were dumb enough to vote for George Bush, I'm your man!

1 comment:

Seeing Eye Chick said...

OUch. I am so glad I am not a politician. I think you would make me cry.

Sorry about that whole Andy Dillon thing. Seriously. You know they do make anti-virals that will supress the symptoms so that you can lead a normal life between outbreaks.