Thursday, March 18, 2010

Asking Mark Foley To Sub Should Have Been A Clue

OK, so it occurs to us here in the marbled halls of IM Central--in our more sober moments--that the problem with government isn't government, it's the people in government. We mean, pretty much everyone would agree that, theoretically at least, providing affordable health care, particularly for those who can't provide it for themselves is a good thing, as is making sure children have enough to eat, get a good education and live in an economy that at least gives them a fair shot at a job with a living wage.


It's when you create programs to achieve those goals, and then put people in charge of those programs that the problem comes in.

So right now you're thinking, Why, Ironicus, how astute. You remind us once again why we come to this blog: for the trenchant commentary, the spot on analysis and the informed criticism.

And poop jokes.

But we digress. At first blush you might simply say the solution is to elect less republicans, since their motto "Government isn't the solution, it's the problem," seems to be self referential. But nay, we say, nay gentle reader(s) for while that may alleviate a fair portion of our present difficulties, it is not the  complex, multi-faceted, sophisticated solution you have come to expect from us for at least two reasons: Eric. Massa.

No, we must look elsewhere for a kind Nepenthe from our present woes, and we believe we have found the just the elixir: teachers. Now, of course we will admit to a certain professional bias, given the way we earn our daily bread, but think about it. At least twice a year teachers must enter a room full of strangers and through their leadership skills, vision and sheer force of will mold those individuals into a cohesive unit and carry them some distance along the road to enlightenment. And we're so good at it we can take summers off.

Well, all this is by way of introducing you to the gubernatorial contest in Georgia where two of our professional colleagues are vying for the top post, a classic example of the win win scenario, no? Let's peek in on the action:
Ray McBerry, a Republican champion of states’ rights and a former history teacher, had his certificate suspended for one week in 2004 following allegations from the Henry County school system that he had “maintained an inappropriate relationship with a student and that he deliberately misrepresented the facts of the case in his first response to the school system’s investigation. McBerry had met the girl at church, where he was a youth minister, and said he was counseling her.
Boy, say what you will about republicans, they are at least consistent. Diddling the coeds, and trying to explain it away by saying it was a church thing. What is this guy, catholic? And what's the deal with having his teaching certificate suspended for a week? That's like saying the judge sentenced him to the electric chair but told the warden to turn down the voltage so it only gave him a headache. Anyway, all this proves is that republican pervert genes are stronger than teacher do good genes. Good thing there's a democrat in the race:

Carl Camon is a Democrat and five-term mayor of Ray City. Until October, Camon was a teacher at Valdosta High School. He quit rather than submit to a five-day suspension issued by the Professional Standards Commission. Multiple student witnesses indicated that the educator made inappropriate comments to and deliberately stared at the breasts and buttocks of multiple female students on multiple occasions. Some witnesses indicated that inappropriate comments had been whispered to students. Witnesses also observed the educator look up students’ skirts.
 Multiple students  claim multiple boobs, multiple butts of multiple females on multiple occasions. Can't you see what's going on here? It's the new math! Multiplication made easy! The guy's a pedophilical innovator. Er...we mean pedagogical. Pedagogical innovator. 

OK, OK we admit this looks bad, but only on the surface. Once you look a little more deeply...crap it still looks bad. Well, these are our colleagues, members of our professional family, our academic brothers if you will, so in their defense we have to say...uh...we feel that if you look at all the circumstances...erm...the big picture.... 

Oh, hey, look at the time. Gotta go. Kthanxbai.

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