Could We Go With TAK For A Reduced Rate?

We're coming to you today from the Department of Good Intentions Misunderstood here in the marbled halls of IM Central. The DoGIM is a division of the I Was Just Trying To Help Corporation in partnership with I Can Explain, Inc.

It seems a few years ago one Ted Alvin Klaudt got caught up in a bit of a squabble with the local authorities.

Ted Klaudt, 49, a Republican rancher from Walker, faces a long list of charges: eight counts of rape, two counts of sexual exploitation of a minor, two counts of witness tampering, sexual contact with a person under 16, and stalking.

Oh really? That's their story, huh? Mr. Kaludt has a bit of a different take on the situation.

Court documents mention five possible victims. Three were foster children between the ages of 15 and 19 who lived with Klaudt's family. One is a cousin of one of those girls, and the fifth is a friend of Klaudt's daughter. The girls say Klaudt had them convinced they could earn up to $20,000 by donating their eggs to a fertility clinic. And even though he has no medical training, The girls say Klaudt did all the supposed "exams" and "procedures" himself.

See? This is the problem with the legal system. They always assume the worst. Here's poor Mr. Klaudt, trying to help these kids bankroll their college education and you're all "victim" this and "victim" that. The guy should be getting a medal, not a court date. And as for doing the procedures himself, ever heard of saving money? Do you know how much a gynecologist would have charged those kids for that? Could this guy have a bigger heart?

Klaudt used a fake email address from the supposed clinic agent to trick the victims into letting him perform what's supposed to be a surgical procedure. But when investigators questioned him he admitted to much of what the girls allege, including sending messages from the fake email account. Klaudt told investigators the girls asked him to help them donate the eggs. But he admits never sending off a specimen.

Hey, people get busy, you know? We're sure he would have gotten around to it. After all, he was all about the girls' well being.

Five different girls now say Klaudt did things ranging from manual "breast exams" to the painful procedure of actually going inside of them with a speculum and collecting body fluids. The girls say when they cried, Klaudt gave them a beer and told them to toughen up.

There you go. Tough love. Could use more of that these days. Umm...about the beer though. How old did you say these girls were?

The charges reflect alleged crimes against two of the five girls. The most serious of the crimes, 2nd degree rape, carries up to 50 years in prison.

Well that's obviously a judicial over reaction, probably politically motivated what with Mr. Klaudt being a state legislator and all. A...uh...republican legislator. Anyway, we figure it'll be bargained down to giving a minor alcohol by the time it gets to court.

Klaudt's trial on these charges started October 30 at the Hughes County Courthouse. On November 7, the defense rested and the 12-person jury retired to deliberate. Three hours later, Klaudt was convicted on all four counts of second-degree rape. He was sentenced on January 17, 2008, to 44 years in prison.

Three hours? Come on. Is there no place in this country for people who love too much? Is there no place for people whose only thought is the good of others? Think of the children.

There has to be something Mr. Klaudt can do to redress this miscarriage of justice, something to clear his name.

A former South Dakota lawmaker convicted of raping his two foster daughters has sent news organizations what he claims is a copyright notice that seeks to prevent the use of his name without his consent. A letter and an accompanying document labeled ''Common Law Copyright Notice'' said former state Rep. Ted Alvin Klaudt is reserving a common-law copyright of a trade name or trademark for his name. It said no one can use his name without his consent, and anyone who does would owe him $500,000.

Er...um...OK. Not quite what we had in mind, but we're sure Mr. Klaudt has a good reason.

The former lawmaker could not immediately be reached for comment because inmates must be contacted initially by letter and asked to write or call, said Michael Winder, a spokesman for the state Corrections Department.

Yeah, there is that whole being incarcerated thing. Tends to chum up the channels of communication and all. Still, now that the word is out we're sure the media will start treating Mr. Klaudt with more respect.

Laura Malone, associated general counsel for intellectual property at The Associated Press, said names of people, companies and products cannot be protected under copyright law. Names can be protected under trademark law, but only in association with goods or services used in commerce, she said. ''Even if there was a valid trademark, the mere use of the name in a news story is not an infringement of trademark,'' Malone said. ''There is no legal substance to these claims,'' she added.

In Mr. Klaudt's defense, it's really hard to get good legal advice when you only get out of your cell a couple hours a day.