Wednesday, March 12, 2008

I'll Have The Big Mac And An Order Of E. Coli

We're coming to you from the Produce Department here at IM Central today. The Produce Department really isn't part of anything else, it's just were we keep things we like to eat. See, a few years back we joined the Herbivore Nation. burgers. OK, OK vegetarianism isn't for everybody, and we bear no ill will towards our carnivorous friends. In fact, after reading this we have some concerns that their opportunity to ingest large quantities of the flesh of living creatures bred and kept in horrendous, inhumane conditions, solely for the purpose of being brutally killed in the prime of their lives may have been compromised by the profit motive.

Oh, and we're not sanctimonious about being vegetarians either. Just so you know.

The head of the Southern California slaughterhouse at the center of the largest beef recall in U.S. history said Wednesday no unsafe beef was processed at his plant and a video showing ill cows being pushed with a forklift depicted animals headed for euthanasia — not the food supply.

When it was pointed out that all animals at a slaughter house are headed for euthanasia, Westland/Hallmark Meat Co. President Steve Mendell said "Well, yeah. If you want to get technical about it."

Mendell was appearing under subpoena before the House Energy and Commerce investigative subcommittee. Energy and Commerce Chairman John Dingell, D-Rump Roast, said he hoped Mendell had learned that there is "an easy way and there is a hard way to answer our questions. Either way we will find out the truth."

When the laughter died down, Mendell told the committee he had never used steroids, to which Dingell replied, "Works for me," and the hearing was adjourned.

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