Oh, And That Tom Tancredo Guy? Kills 'Em At Mis Quince

We're going to stop reading MSM treeware when we're sober. At least after an infusion of Stoli we can convince ourselves that the prose puddle of horse pee we're wading through is the product of our own over lubricated imagination and not the unintended comic stylings of some...erm...professional journalist.

Exhibit A, the opening line: "Mitt Romney tells good jokes."

Well shoot, let's just cancel the election and put that jocular jokester in the White House right now. What the heck, a stand up comic replaces a clown. What can go wrong?

Oh wait, our intrepid interlocutor is not knocked askew by the Mittster's folksy charm:

His platform seemed sound enough analytically – until he demonstrated an aggravating hypocrisy in his reply to my query on one of his key foreign policy positions.

Dad gum that pesky hyprocrisy always getting in the way of sound platforms. On the flip side though, how would we get a Muslim in government now that we've ticked off practically every Muslim there is. Can you imagine that job interview. "OK Mr. Abdul, we're going to ask you a few questions, but no you don't have to be tied up and wear a hood."

I asked Mr. Romney whether he would consider including qualified Americans of the Islamic faith in his cabinet as advisers on national security matters, given his position that "jihadism" is the principal foreign policy threat facing America today. He answered, "…I cannot see that a cabinet position would be justified. But of course, I would imagine that Muslims could serve at lower levels of my administration. Hey, somebody's got to refresh my coffee at Cabinet meetings."

Um...was that one of the "good jokes?" Just asking.

Romney, whose Mormon faith has become the subject of heated debate in Republican caucuses, wants America to be blind to his religious beliefs and judge him on merit instead. Yet he seems to accept excluding Muslims because of their religion.

So? Mormons may do some weird things like strapping their dogs to the tops of their cars, or changing their minds every fifteen seconds, but at least it's a white religion. Them Muslims is brown, man. You hear us? Brown.

I am an American-born citizen of the Islamic faith. I stand as a living symbol of all that America offers in its system of liberty, justice, and, most of all, opportunity. I am also proud of my Muslim heritage and beliefs, and, true to the American work ethic, I have worked tirelessly to raise up the voices of disaffected Muslims everywhere and help them, too, share in America's promise.

Oh. Hey listen guy, no offense. Wait a minute, didn't you say you thought Romney's policies were sound?

If Romney wins the White House, he will probably rely on those who know Mormonism best to help him explain it to those who distrust it most. It is time for him to reconsider his views on who should help America craft the right policies that attack the scourge on civilization that Islamic extremism has become.

Meh. We're not so sure. There's just as good a chance if Romney gets elected we'll all be forced to marry six times and our pets will be not be allowed to ride on the inside of our cars. Oh, and there's the underwear thing, well for those of us who wear underwear anyway.

Imagine how a qualified American Muslim FBI director, sensitized to the genuine concerns among Arab and Muslim communities about civil rights violations, would be able to ensure that FBI actions and policies target the real bad guys, not communities as a whole.

Imagine how a qualified American Muslim FBI director would get shot the first time he tried to come into the White House for a meeting.

Imagine how an American Muslim CIA director or defense secretary whose understanding of cultural differences in places that breed Islamist violence would ensure that intelligence was not biased by bigotry or lack of understanding and that defense strategies were constructed on data acquired from authentic sources.

Imagine how an American Muslim CIA director or defense secretary would feel when they showed up for their confirmation hearings and were strip searched.

Romney and other candidates for the presidency from both political parties, should actively begin searching for American Muslims and Arab Americans who can serve in primary decision making cabinet level posts. To do otherwise is to risk promulgating policies that once again put the US straight in the sights of the terrorists who seek to bring America down.

Oh, wait. We think we see your problem. You think the republicans don't want the policies they have now.