Hey, Jesus Was Jewish After All

Ah, christians. Love thy neighbor...do unto others...don't covet thy neighbor's SUV...get your holy swag from sweatshops.

Crucifixes marketed in the United States by a Christian retail group are made in a Chinese sweatshop with working conditions that are appalling even by Chinese legal standards, according to a report by a U.S. human rights organization. "In our defense I feel compelled to point out that most of the people who work in these factories are not christians," said Association for Christian Retail media relations person, Nancy Guthrie.

The conditions include 100-hour, seven-day work weeks, mandatory overtime and wages as low as nine cents an hour, according to the report, issued by the National Labor Committee (NLC). "Yeah, but nine cents Chinese money is $4.37 American," said Guthrie.

Association for Christian Retail (ACR) issued this statement: "While we occasionally hear this issue raised, and believe there are factories in China where human rights are violated, we believe claims that products sold through CBA (Christian Book Association) member stores are made in these shops are irresponsible and unfounded. Besides, nobody gets upset when Walmart does it."

When asked if ACR had any proof to back up their belief, a spokesperson replied, "Hey, we're christians. You think we'd lie or something. See, here's another case of religious discrimination. The christians in this country are being systematically marginalized by christmas hating liberal...oh look, a missing white woman!"

The statement also said ACR had "assurances" from their suppliers in China that the allegations were false. "Well, we took them as assurances, but since they don't speak English and we don't speak Chinese we could be wrong." Guthrie said.

The media relations person at Family Christian Stores in Grand Rapids was unaware of the report and said a company representative would return the call. No one called back. "Oh, did you mean today? asked the spokesperson? "Sorry. Been at bible study all afternoon."

Christian merchandising is a lucrative and growing segment of the retail market, a multibillion-dollar-a-year industry that markets everything from Bibles to keychains to the ubiquitous "What Would Jesus Do" stickers.

Hmmm...What would Jesus do?