The Kids Are All Right. The Adults? Eh, Not So Much

We're coming to you today from the Fear for the Future Department here in the marbled halls of IM Central. FFF is a wholly owned subsidy of What's The Matter With Kids Company in partnership with the Generation of Suspects Corporation. Seems a group of so called young people in Illinois don't they know they're just supposed to color in the bubbles on the scantron sheet and nag their parents for lead filled toys.

Over 70 students participated in a sit-in against the Iraq War on All Saint’s Day, Thursday, November 1st. It began third hour when dozens of students gathered quietly in the lunchroom at Morton West High School and refused to leave.

Kids? Gather round. First of all, "gathered quietly?" For a demonstration? See, uh, well, just ask your parents. OK, ask your grandparents.

The administrators and police became involved immediately and locked down the school for a half hour after class ended. Police? What, did the students "gather quietly" with menacing looks on their faces?

Students were promised that there would be no charges besides cutting classes if they took their protest outside so as not to disturb the school day. The students complied, and were led to a corner outside the cafeteria where they sang songs and held signs while classes resumed.

"It was right after that when we locked the school down," said the principal.

Despite a police line set up between the protesters and the student body, many other students joined the demonstration.

"Well, if fairness to our officers, some of the kids are kind of small," said a representative of the Sheriff's Office.

Deans, counselors and even the Superintendent tried to change the minds of a few, mainly those students with higher GPA scores to abandon the protest.

"Yeah. We figured those with high GPA's wouldn't be going into the Army anyway, so what did they care?" said one counselor. "Turns out they did. Kids. Go figure."

The school called the homes of many of the protesters. Those whose parents arrived before the end of school and took their students home, or left before the protest ended at the final bell, received 3-5 days suspension. Students caught in the school after the final bell lock down received six day suspensions. "We're new at this," said the principal.

All others, an estimated 37 received 10 days suspension and expulsion papers. Parents report that Dr. Ben Nowakowski, Superintendent stated those who are seventeen will also face police charges. "We're going to charge them with being uppity," Nowakowski said. "I'm pretty sure it's illegal for a minor to do stuff like that."

Yeah. Wouldn't the kids thinking they, like, had a stake in what goes on in the country or anything.