I Can Field Strip A Smith And Wesson MP-15 In Three Minutes, If Not Distracted By The Voices In My Head

Full disclosure: Growing up in Chicago we never really had a chance to experience that whole outdoor culture thing. In fact we were 12 years old before we saw a real tree. As a result we really don't understand guns and the desire to rain high velocity death down upon woodland creatures, or your friends if they happen to get in your way.

That is not to say we haven't had some experience with firearms. When we were 13 our old daddy, always concerned that we transit the path to manhood in a, well, manly way, took us deer hunting. We had been to hunter safety school, shot the snot out of targets, bottles, cans and what have you, and were even treated to some camouflage accouterments from the local army navy surplus. When the appointed day arrived, we trudged menacingly to the blind, if one can trudge menacingly while half asleep and shivering in the pre-dawn cold, ensconced ourselves and prepared to commune with the spirit of our frontier ancestors.

Except when the deer showed up we couldn't shoot it. Shooting cans, bottles, targets, that's one thing. Shooting something that looks back at you...well...let's just say, to paraphrase the poet, our father's countenance could not unfrown itself.

In short, we ain't no Mitt Romney.

Which may be the source of our confusion about this.

The House passed what could become the first major federal gun control law in over a decade. The bill was the outcome of weeks of negotiations between Representative John Dingell D- Mosberg, the most senior member of the House and a strong supporter of gun rights, and the NRA, and in turn, with Representative Carolyn McCarthy D-Woodstock, a leading gun-control advocate. "Allow me to state categorically and for the record, that Representative Dingell did not attend a single negotiating session while armed, despite what you might have read," said an aide.

The NRA insisted that it was not a "gun control" bill because it does not disqualify anyone currently able to legally purchase a firearm. "This bill controls access to guns," said a NRA spokesperson. "But that's not the same as gun control because you still have your eBays and your Walmarts and your crazy uncle Sids who have an arsenal in their basements. We're not worried about a drop in gun violence as a result of this legislation."

Under a gun control act that passed in 1968, people barred from buying guns include those convicted of a crime punishable by more than one year in prison, illegal drug users, those adjudicated as mentally disabled, and illegal aliens. The legislation approved Wednesday would require states to automate and share disqualifying records with the FBI.

And the law has worked too. How many hopped up, crazy illegal aliens come out of prison and go on killing sprees, huh? Name one.

The law would automatically restore the purchasing rights of veterans who were diagnosed with mental problems as part of the process of obtaining disability benefits.

Yeah, and that's some real progress on getting guns out of the hands...wait a minute. A regular crazy person can't buy a gun, but a crazy person who's been professionally trained in the military to get the most destruction with the least effort can? "I support our troops," said president Bush announcing his backing of the bill. "And you will too if this bill passes and you know what's good for you."