Eternal Sunshine Of The President's Mind

The president is a lot smarter than you think. He grasps Einstein's theory of relativity. Einstein was talking about how time can seem to go at different rates and to explain it he used the analogy of a person sitting on a hot stove, and a person sitting in the park on a warm spring day with his true love. For the person on the stove, the seconds seem like hours, but for the person in the park the hours seem like seconds.

The president gets this. See for us, Iraq is like sitting on a hot stove, but for him, Iraq has been like sitting in the park with the voices in his head. It's just been a couple of minutes for him while thousands of Iraqis were displaced, wounded, killed and basically had a whole generation wiped out, while here at home families were devastated, lives destroyed and thousands of wounded soldiers returning from his neo-con, chest thumping, "Let's you and him fight," testosterone induced, tragedy called "The Bush Foreign Policy" are left abandoned. So it is with a clear conscience, and a bright smile (once Laura wiped the chocolate milk mustache off) that he can ask for more time in Iraq.

The White House appealed for more patience on the war in Iraq as Democrats warned for the 237th time that the clock was running out and a prominent Republican declared that president Bush's policy is not working, the sun rises in the east and the pope is a catholic. "Bush is an idiot," said Senator Richard Lugar R-Ya Think?. "I see that now, but more importantly, I see the need to get reelected."

White House spokesman Tony Snowjob said Lugar was a thoughtful man and that his remarks came as no surprise. "Is there anybody that doesn't think Bush is an idiot?" he asked. "Other than the people who watch Fox news I mean."

"We've known that he's had reservations about the president for some time," Snowjob said "Basically since he stopped watching Hannity and somebody ugly. That action was not authorized by the vice president's office by the way."

Lugar's position is unlikely to affect votes on upcoming anti-war legislation. Spokesman Andy Fisher said that Lugar is not planning to switch his vote and embrace a deadline for troop withdrawals. The purpose of the speech was to express his concerns publicly before Bush reviews his Iraq strategy in September, Fisher said. "It's not like the Senator actually believes any of this," Fisher added. "We just need to start distancing ourselves from the Clown in Chief if we're ever going to have any hope of getting reelected."

Lugar's grim assessment of the war puts substantial pressure on the administration to change course. "No it doesn't," said Snowjob. "We're at 28, 29 percent approval and we're pumping more targets...er...soldiers into Iraq. You think we care what people say about us?"

Most Republicans have said they were willing to wait until the fall to see whether Bush's recently ordered troop buildup in was working. But if progress is not made by then, GOP members say they will demand a change in course. "Unless the president needs more time," said an aide to a Republican Senator not up for reelection. "It's all relative."