Monday, December 11, 2006

Obama? Isn't That The Guy We're Trying To Kill?

OK, truth be told we're not always paying attention--even on the rare occasions when we are sober, so this whole Obama for president thing has really caught us off guard. First because we thought the election was, like two years away, and second because...well...because the media has been telling us that they have already decided that Hillary would be the president next. Maybe we missed a memo or something.

Senator Barack Obama (D-I'm The Black RFK Be Otch) says he may have to overcome questions about his inexperience, stereotypes about his race and even a middle name that reminds Americans of Iraq's former dictator. Despite all that, he received plenty of encouragement to enter the presidential race during an initial trip to this pivotal campaign state. "He's dreamy," said one political observer. "Plus he, like, can talk and stuff."

"Obama's inexperience is being seen as less and less of a liability. He won't have a series of Senate votes to hold against him," said one political insider. "Nothing helps a candidacy more than not having anyone know where you stand on the issues. Besides, he's dreamy."

History teacher and Democrat Mark Bingham met Obama and said that despite his inexperience, he could rank among presidents named Lincoln and Kennedy. Bingham told the senator. "And I don't mean the assassination part."

Obama said he is still "running things by ma dawgs" as he considers whether to join a field of Democrats which will include Hillary Clinton (D-Ice Queen). "Senator Clinton encourages the competition," said an aide to the junior Senator from New York. "She also encourages Senator Obama to be careful crossing streets and going down stairs. Flying can be dangerous too."

He attracted screaming crowds of middle aged women who wet themselves everywhere he went in New Hampshire. He drew 1,500 Democrats to a state Democratic Party fundraiser and several hundred more at a book signing. Organizers of both events had to turn away many others. "We don't see many black people up here in New Hampshire," said one attendee. "Not without them being in police custody that is."

Obama recognized there has been "a little fuss" over his possible candidacy, but said he thinks the excitement reflects voters' desire for "a big ol' handsome black Adonis," he told the crowd who roared their delight. Three women in the audience fainted and two were arrested for throwing underwear on the stage.

Obama tried to turn his inexperience into an asset compared with other candidates who have been governing for much longer, although he didn't mention any rivals by name. "They're all a bunch of wrinkly old white people," he told reporters.

Senator Evan Bayh (D-Who'm I Kidding) filled a small room at a Manchester conference center but wasn't near the draw as Obama on his first trip. Bayh said he wasn't intimidated by the Obama mania as he talked to voters one-on-one. "I'm doing the things that matter in New Hampshire," Bayh said. "Plus I'm not wrinkly."

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