Monday, December 04, 2006

And He Never Did Get Up To Those Top Two Floors

We're coming to you today from the Department of Missed Opportunities here at IM Central. It seems we have forgotten a small bit of wisdom passed on to us by our old Daddy, to wit: When opportunity knocks, don't answer the door in your underwear.

A painful lesson to be sure, and somewhat drafty, but nonetheless, we have let you, our faithful reader down by letting this font of mirth and raucous buffoonery slip though our grasp. Although in our defense we must say that we had great plans for the Bolton tenure at the U. N. In fact we were considering adding on to this blog to accommodate the hilarity that we were so sure was about to ensue. Alas, it has come to this:

Unable to win Senate confirmation, U.N. Ambassador John Bolton will step down when his temporary appointment expires within weeks, the White House said. "This is truly a dark day for American Diplomacy," an aide to Ambassador Bolton said. "Now that resolution celebrating the end of slavery will get passed. Another victory for the dark races."

President Bush in a statement, said he was "deeply disappointed that a handful of United States senators prevented Ambassador Bolton from receiving the down vote he deserved in the Senate. It's truly a shame that 90 Senators can block the will of the other 10. Well, six if you only count the sober ones."

"This stubborn obstructionism ill serves our country, and discourages men and women of talent from serving their nation," Bush said. "Of course some would say that my whole administration has discouraged men and women of talent from serving their nation, but I say so what? It's not like I listen to my advisers anyway."

The White House resubmitted Bolton's nomination, but with Democrats capturing control of the next Congress, his chances of winning confirmation appeared slight. The incoming chairman of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee, Democratic Sen. Joe Biden of Delaware, said he saw "no point in considering Mr. Bolton's nomination again. On second thought, I'm not sure you can reconsider something you never considered in the first place. Hey Johnny, maybe you can go into journalism."

While Bush could not give Bolton another recess appointment, the White House was believed to be exploring other ways of keeping him in the job, perhaps by giving him a title other than ambassador. "We were thinking about disguising him as a Salvation Army Worker and putting him outside the U.N. with a kettle and a bell," said White House Press Secretary Tony Snowjob. But Bolton informed the White House he intended to leave when his current appointment expires. "When Kofe refused to renew Ambassador Bolton's parking pass, that was the last straw," said an aide who asked not to be named.

Bush said he accepted Bolton's decision with deep regret. "He served his country with extraordinary dedication and skill, assembling coalitions that addressed some of the most consequential issues facing the international community," the president said. "Unfortunately, now the U.N. Bowling League will have to go on without him."

As late as last month, Bush, through his top aides, said he would not relent in his defense of Bolton, despite unwavering opposition from Democrats who view Bolton as too combative for international diplomacy. "The president has always been supportive of the clueless," Snowjob said. "He has a special connection to people who are in way over their heads."

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