Hi, I'm Don Rumsfeld...And You're Not

Now, we didn't set out to make this Don Rumsfeld week, but holy jumping Jehosaphat and a popsickle stick, the guy has been all over the news, even edging out John Mark Karr, so you know he's hotter than James (Motto: If you ain't hatin' the gay, you ain't lovin' the Lord) Dobson's collar when he heard about California 's anti-discrimination law. So what's shaking Donny boy?

Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld tried to change the subject from his own incompetence in a speech recalling the world leaders who sought to appease Nazi Germany in the 1930s. "Hitler was the head of a country with an huge army, navy and air force," Rumsfeld said. "Osama Bin Laden lives in a cave and has a few thousand guys with guns scattered around the world. Can you see the parallels, or do I have to draw you a picture?"

Rumsfeld said it was important to note that "any kind of moral or intellectual questioning about who and what is right or wrong can weaken the ability of this administration to persevere in any long war. And we have a couple of long wars planned, so let's forget all this hand wringing over the Constitution and get on with winning the war on dissent...er...Terror, winning the war on terror."

In a speech heavy on condemnation of news coverage of the war, Rumsfeld told the American Legion that insurgents and terrorists are waging a campaign to demoralize the American public. "Bombs going off every day, people dying by the hundreds, children being permanently scarred, clueless administration officials, why do we need to hear about that? Who's watching out for poor JonBenet? Isn't there a white women somewhere who has gone missing?"

Rumsfeld specifically condemned two news organizations, CNN and Newsweek magazine, for comments by some of their senior officials about the U.S. military. "The fact that I sent the troops over there ill equipped, undermanned and without a clear mission or plan is no reason to call the war a failure."

Rumsfeld's comments come as members of the Bush administration, ahead of November elections to determine control of the U.S. Congress, connect the Iraq war to the broader fight against terrorism. "Yes, we were wrong about the WMD's, the place is worse off now than it was under Saddam, there never was a link to 9/11, and we've emboldened Iran, making us all less safe and ensuring hatred of America for decades to come," the secretary told reporters. "And you expect me to believe that's all it takes for people to believe the war is a failure?"