Wednesday, May 17, 2006

When I'm Done Being president, I'm Gonna Be One A Them There Stand Up Comeeduns

One of the nice things about carrying your own personal reality around in your head is that it enables you to have a good time, no matter where you are or what's going on around you.

President Bush laid out all the trappings yesterday for visiting Australian Prime Minister John Howard. When he escorted Howard into the East Room to meet reporters, he cracked jokes at Howard's expense and did everything but give him a nickname. "He may not be the prettiest person on the block," Bush said as Howard guffawed, "but when he tells you something, you can pretty much figure he's just repeating something you already told him. I like that in an ally."

"Hey Mister president," Howard teased back, "Find those WMD's yet?"

"Har Har Har," the reporters responded after cue cards were displayed. "You're a jolly jokester," Bush said, slapping Howard on the back and causing his false teeth to fly into the crowd.

"Har Har Har," the reporters responded.

"Fruit loop," Howard said.

"That's president Fruit loop to you," Bush said.

Little wonder the president lavished such attention on his counterpart from Down Under. When it comes to Bush's "coalition of the willing" partners, Howard is virtually the last man standing. "Yeah, I've had dogs that aren't as loyal as Johnny here. Right Johnny? You don't mind if I call you Johnny, do you, Johnny?"

"No worries. Can I call you Georgie Drongo?" Howard replied.

"You bet. What's that, like saying I'm a smart guy or something?"

"Or something," Howard responded, grinning at the crowd.

"Har Har Har," the reporters responded.

Bush was eager to welcome Howard to the White House. Bush values personal relationships with foreign leaders, and aides have long said that Howard ranks among his favorites, possibly because he appears to be almost as clueless as the president.

"The people who supported the president, particularly on Iraq, in almost every case were doing so against their domestic public opinion and they paid a price," said James B. Steinberg, deputy national security adviser under Bill Clinton. "It's quite possible Howard has come to Washington to ask for asylum."

In a White House that has been stingy on black-tie dinners and the like -- even making Chinese Prime Minister Hu settle for a business-attire luncheon -- Howard got the full works. Bush even returned from Camp David early on Sunday to go to the Australian Embassy to plant some trees with the visiting prime minister. "When this president comes home from a vacation early, you know it's either a shameless ploy to take advantage of a dead women, or he forgot what day of the week it is again," said White House Press Secretary Tony Snowjob.

"I admire John Howard's understanding that the war on terror is pretty stupid and that we've got to totally ignore that if we intend to succeed obeying the voices in my head, some of whom could be Jesus," Bush said in the East Room. He added, "The prime minister is capable of not only seeing the problems for today; he's capable of looking down the road. He is also capable of understanding why the chicken crossed the road, Right Johnny?"

"Oh, that's right on Mr. president. And let me just say that when history looks back on the Bush administration they will write that you were just about as useful as an ash tray on a motorcycle."
"Well, thank you Johnny," Bush responded. "And let me say that any good relationship is based on mutual trust. That's why I have asked Johnny to give me his cell number, so that we can carry on this trustful dialogue whenever the mood strikes anyone of us. Johnny, just give your number to General Hayden over there and he'll put it on my speed dial."

"Har Har Har," the reporters responded.


expresso-expression said...

Hey Ironicus, I'm glad someone over there's sussed out what's going on. I get a bit worried about those two, you just don't know what they get up to back at the ranch.

Ironicus Maximus said...

We hear you. I guess we're both stuck with a couple of...hoons