Thursday, May 04, 2006

We'll Need To See What You Have Under That Blouse. National Security You Know

Ah, well, Iraq is a mess, we're running out of oil, immigrants are taking over the country one landscaping company at a time, and we're blessed with a federal government that needs a manual to tell its elbow from a hole in the ground.

Still, this is too good to pass up.

Roberta Fletcher has complained to Sutter County, California supervisors that metal detectors at county buildings are so sensitive they are being set off by underwire bras. "Well, we've got it set so only a of wire will set it off," said a building security guard who asked not to be identified. "If you're an A cup, you'll sail through no problem. We have intelligence that indicates terrorists are at least 34 C's."

Fletcher said the male security guard seemed to enjoy waving the handheld metal detector over her chest. "Well, the guys are out there on the front line of the war on terror," said a supervisor, who would only give his name as Bill. "They just need to blow off steam now and then."

"It is, at a minimum, for a woman, embarrassing. And at a maximum, it is sexual harassment to hold your arms outstretched while a male officer waves a wand in front of your breasts," Fletcher said. "Especially when they do it for twenty minutes."

"We think they should look on it as a compliment," said Sheriff Jim Denney at a hastily called news conference. "After all, what we're saying is they may have a dangerous rack. Get it? Don't write that down."

"I don't think it's harassment; it's protection," board Chairman Larry Munger told reporters. You never know when one of those things might go off. Don't write that down."

"Men just don't get it," Fletcher told the supervisors.

"Oh we get it," Munger said. "We're thinking of installing an X-ray machine next."

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