Tuesday, May 02, 2006

Tokens Agree To Smackdown; Steel Cage Optional

Oh, it's ON now baby! He's back and he's JACKED! Just home from Baghdad and eager to discuss promising developments, Secretary of State Condoleeza Rice found herself knocked off message and forced to defend prewar planning and troop levels against Colin Ain't Whitey's Dawg No Mo' Powell.

"Man, I was all up in Bush's face before the war saying 'Dude, there's no way that small a posse is gonna get the job done.' And she was all like "Oh Mr. Dreamy president, you so smart. Don't listen to him. What he know? Just some chump with a bunch a stars on his shoulder. You the president.'"

Rice's mind was on the political breakthrough that had brought her and Defense Secretary Donald H. Rumsfeld sneaking into Iraq for an unannounced state visit and cleared the way for formation of yet another public relations show during which nothing really changes. Yet Powell sideswiped her by revisiting the question of whether the U.S. had a large enough force to oust Saddam Hussein and then secure the peace.

"I'm not going to get into a public debate with my predecessor," Rice told reporters. "But if I did, I'd be on him like ugly on a Bulldog."

"Bring it on stick woman," Powell replied. "If you can take time away from shopping for shoes that is."

Rice spent a good part of her appearances on talk shows grasping at straws to defend the White House to a public increasingly skeptical of the president's conduct of the war and his ability to walk and chew gum at the same time.

"I don't remember specifically what Secretary Puffy may be referring to, because frankly, no one ever listened to him, but I'm quite certain that there were lots of discussions about how best to use Iraq to make our fantasy world real," Rice said.

"In fact I can recall several times when we would call the president in from the TV room so one of the Chiefs of Staff could discuss what a great military tactician he was."

"I made the case to General Bonehead and Secretary Rain Man that I was not sure we had enough troops," Powell said "The case was made, it was listened to, it was ignored. ... A judgment was made by those responsible that the troop strength was adequate. Who knew their judgment was about as expert as a herd of jack a...well...I did, but I was just a field ni...well...you get my point."

Rice said Bush "listened to the advice of the voices in his head, and he listened to them several times because it's hard for him to focus for more than a minute or so. Must be residuals from all those years of cocaine or something."

"When the war plan was put together, it was put together with consideration of what would happen after Saddam Hussein was actually overthrown," Rice said. "You should have heard the debate as to whether the Iraqis would greet us with roses or daisies. It was brutal."

"There will be time to go back and look at those days of the war and, after the war, to examine what went right and what went wrong," Rice said. "Hopefully after the statute of limitations runs out."

"The president's military advisers, particularly Larry, Moe and Curly, felt that the size of the force was adequate; they may still feel that years later because you can't cure stupid." Powell said. "In my perspective, I would have preferred to win the war."

The goal and the purpose now is to make certain that we take advantage of what is now a very good movement forward on the political front to help this Iraqi government," Rice said. "If we can get these idiots to go a week without getting themselves blown up, we declare victory and we're outta there. Then I got your exit strategy right here Powell."

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