Monday, May 08, 2006

And On Top Of That It Came Postage Due

Aww...Now this is nice. Mr. Ahmadinejad has taken time out of his busy day scaring the bejeebus out of the Israelis to pen a nice letter to our president. Now, frequent readers of this blog are probably expecting some sort of crack about Mr. Bush's ability to read that letter, but we here at IM Central have our scruples you know. We're not about gratuitous attacks on people who have already shown by their demeanor, their we say peccadilloes and their public record that the Sign of the Doofus is on them like ugly on a Bulldog.

Besides, everyone knows Laura reads all of George's mail to him during his chocolate milk break in the afternoon.

The Bush administration said it had no knowledge of the letter and reiterated its demand that Iran suspend its nuclear activities. "We don't get the mail until late," said a White House spokesperson.

Iranian Government spokesman Gholamhossein Elham said, "In this letter, Ahmadinejad has given an analysis ... of new ways of getting out of the current delicate situation in the world." When pressed by reporters for specifics, Mr. Elham would only say that the letter included a first class ticket to "Get a clue."

Ahmadinejad's letter is the first publicly announced personal communication from an Iranian president to his U.S. counterpart since the 1979 Islamic revolution. "We couldn't get stamps until the USPS went online," a spokesperson for President Ahmadinejad said.

But its significance hinges on whether Iran changes chastising rhetoric which Washington habitually spurns. "Constantly referring to the president as a 'Boogerhead' and a 'Fundamentalist Whack Job' is not conducive to positive diplomacy," said White House Press Secretary Tony Snow.

"We thought those were terms of endearment," Elham replied. "We were just picking up on how most Americans refer to him. Perhaps our English is not so good."

Analysts thought there was little chance that Ahmadinejad would suggest that Iran could stop making nuclear fuel. On the contrary, they said he was most likely to address the United States from a position of strength. "Well, duh," Elham told reporters. "Bush's plan for the middle east couldn't of worked better for us if we'd written it ourselves."

"You Americans are so naive when it comes to dealing with leaders who are balls to the wall bonko," Elham said. "We've been doing it for years."

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