Hi. I'm The Secretary Of The Department Of The Painfully Obvious

From the "Sometimes it's too easy department:" U.S. Energy Secretary Sam Bodman said that high gasoline prices which have skyrocketed to a near record are a "crisis."

Ya think, Sammy? What was your first clue?

"It is a crisis in the sense of the individual," Bodman told reporters after a meeting with Saudi Oil Minister Ali al-Naimi. "American families are hurting."

Really? Well, it's good to know you're on the job. By the way, what is a 'crisis in the sense of the individual'? Is that anything like the crisis faced by the less that three percent of individual families who face the crisis of the estate tax? Oh wait, most of those people don't pay the tax anyway. Never mind.

President Bush ordered a probe into potential price profiteering. "If there is profiteering going on, I want to know about it," Bush said. "It's the kind of thing I wish we had back when I was in the oil business. Might have saved my butt."

Senate Republicans have proposed giving U.S. taxpayers a $100 check to offset high gasoline prices, and suspending some federal taxes. OK, now we see. A individual crisis is worth $100 bucks. A corporate crisis is worth 5 billion. We get it now.

When asked how much of a positive effect $100 could have on Americans' ability to cope with the high price of gasoline, Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist said, "Well, a lot. If they use the money to buy a bicycle."