Monday, May 15, 2006

Is This The Party To Whom I Am Speaking?

We have to admit we haven't gotten too exercised over the current NSA wiretapping brouhaha. Of course all we use our cell phone for is calling the liquor store (Free delivery on orders over $50.00). Apparently though, ABC News has gotten its knickers all in a twist because they found out the government was targeting them.

A senior federal law enforcement official tells ABC News the government is tracking the phone numbers we call in an effort to root out confidential sources. "Well, duh," said a spokesperson for NSA. "Do they really buy all that 'hunting for terrorists' stuff? Those guys are smart, but take your average Joe trying to do what he thinks is the right thing to do and it's like shooting fish in a barrel."

ABC News does not know how the government determined who they were calling, or whether their phone records were provided to the government as part of the recently-disclosed NSA collection of domestic phone calls. "We're planning a very special 20/20 on this issue," said a spokesperson for the network. "We're going to call it 'The Fourth Amendment: This Time It's Personal.' Catchy huh?"

When asked if he thought the ABC story was more important than the fact the the illegal NSA wiretapping may have collected information on millions of innocent American citizens, the network spokesperson replied, "Well, sure. It's about us."

Under Bush Administration guidelines, it is not considered illegal for the government to keep track of numbers dialed by phone customers. Of course it's illegal for the phone companies to provide those numbers without a court order, but who's being picky?

People questioned by the FBI about leaks of intelligence information say the CIA was disturbed by ABC News reports that revealed the use of CIA predator missiles inside Pakistan. "We hate it when people find out about stuff like that," said an unnamed CIA official. "It really cramps our style to have to operate within the limits of the law."

Other sources indicated that phone calls and contacts by reporters for ABC News, along with the New York Times and the Washington Post, are being examined as part of a widespread CIA leak investigation. "That's grossly unfair," said a spokesperson for the Washington Post. "After all the nice things we've written about the Bush administration and all the support we gave to the war, to go and treat us like that...well, it's just poopy, that's all."

Well...maybe. What do you think Jill?

"You guys in the press have been sucking up to this president from the very beginning. You reported his lies, you bought the B.S., and you did it all for access and so you could get invited to the right parties, and so he could towel-snap you and give you stupid nicknames.

And where did it get you? Monitored by the NSA.

Maybe if you'd done your job from the beginning, we wouldn't be living in a fascist state run by a madman right now. But was more important that Al Gore was stiff and John Kerry had no charisma. You wanted to drink beer with this guy? Fine. Drink your beer with him. But don't start crying now about your rights being violated. "

Heh. Indeedy. Back to you Bob.

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