What Kind Of Song Does A Jail Bird Sing?

...And she's buuuyyying a stairway to the George Orwell Memorial Don't Look Over There Just Listen Photo Of The Day:



Let's admit right up front that we're just as likely as the next person to download a snappy tune, or "borrow" a friend's CD (yes, we do have friends...and they don't come cheap either). The various adult legalities of the aforementioned transactions haven't unduly overtaxed our thoughts either.

Until now.

Having already failed once to nail 14 year old Brittany Chan through her mother, Big Music is now going after Brittany again, this time by herself. "This girl is not going to the prom unless she's out on bail," said T. William Wilcox, attorney for EMI Records, one of the plaintiffs in the suit.

In their latest move, the Big Four (EMI, Warner, Universal and Sony BMG) are demanding that the US District Court of the Eastern District of Michigan appoint a Guardian ad Litem, in other words, an official legal guardian. When asked to explain the move Wilcox said that "Her real momma likes her too much. We need someone on our side. Plus since she's just a kid there's bound to be all that crying and stuff. It would just look bad if she was in the courtroom all alone."

In the original suit against Brittany's mother, Candy Chan The RIAA claimed Mrs. Chan was indirectly liable as a copyright infringer because she'd given Brittany a computer. "What'd she think the girl was going to do with it?" Wilcox asked. "Homework or something? We'd like to get all these computers out of people's homes so they're forced to go back to the record stores."

“Notwithstanding that her own testimony implicated her daughter, Mrs. Chan is an adult, and suing her isn't going to send the message our clients want, so we are forced to file this action directly against Brittany Chan because she's just a little kid. Besides we can't keep billing the record folks if we let the whole thing drop.” Wilcox said.

According to the complaint filed in court the record industry seeks "extended grounding of the accused, no TV for a month, no phone calls with friends and come straight home after school."

The first hearing date was canceled because Brittany was told by a friend that Tommy didn't like her and was too upset to attend. It was later determined that was a rumor started by Jessica who actually likes Tommy too. The hearing has been rescheduled for after the history test.