Tuesday, October 11, 2005

Hey Little Girl. Want To See My Bible Verses?

The George Orwell Memorial Don't Look Over There Just Listen Photo Of The Day will be taking a break for a couple of days. After all, the president is on top of the hurricane disasters now and it's only been a couple of months. Oh, and did you hear the Iraqi insugency is in it's last throes? Ok, Ok. One last photo:



OK, so Louis Beres has been caught...er...with his "hand" in the "cookie jar," so to speak. Now we finally know why people like to be Christians. It's like you can do what you want, and when you get caught you get a free pass. All you have to do is say you're a weak contemptible sinner and you've been very, very bad.

Christian folks have to let you off because they're weak contemptible sinners too and would probably be doing exactly what you were doing if they had the chance. A few tears, a couple of Bible verses and you're on your merry way.

Well, there is that whole rendering unto Caesar thing. That can get sticky--no pun intended.

Local law enforcement officials are investigating complaints that Louis Beres, longtime chairman of the Christian Coalition of Oregon, molested three female family members when they were pre-teens. "I was molested," said one of the women, now in her early 50s. At the time he told me he was using his mighty staff of righteousness to root the devil out of me. I later found out that wasn't true."

In a statement Beres denied any criminal conduct and said he wanted to "reconcile" with those making the accusations, if he can find out which ones they are. "I have unleashed the mighty staff of righteousness on many nubile little...er... helpless victims of Satan over the years."

Beres is the longtime chairman of the Christian Coalition of Oregon which champions socially conservative candidates and causes. Its web site describes the group as "Oregon's leading grassroots organization defending our Godly heritage." When asked is nonconsensual sex with minors is part of our "Godly heritage" Bere's replied that he had a "team of Biblical researchers working on that. I'm sure we'll be able to come up with some sort of justification in a few days."

Beres blamed "personal and political enemies" for the reports and said, "I never molested anybody. Satan has long been envious of my mighty staff of righteousness. I'm sure he's behind this. Him or democrats."

Two of the alleged molestations occurred decades ago and likely would not result in criminal charges, but one case may fall within statutory timelines. It involves a female family member who was allegedly molested by Beres when she was in elementary school.

"See, what you people don't understand is Satan seeks out little girls. He's attracted to their wide eyed innocence; their young supple bodies, their flawless white skin, their tiny...is it hot in here?"

Beres is also former chairman of the Multnomah County Republican Party. When informed of the charges, Rick Myers, current head of the party said, "Well, at least it's not money laundering. We got enough of that right now. Wait. The girls were white weren't they?"

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