And The Lord Sayeth, "Run Roy Run!"

Thou art reality, and upon this rock I shall build the George Orwell Memorial Don't Look Over There Just Listen Photo Of The Day:



Our old daddy used to say, if you want to win the game, make the rules. That apparently is what Judge Roy Moore (yes, that Judge Roy Moore) has decided to do.

Rejected in his bid to turn his courtroom into a shrine to that good old time white religion by the godless heathens on the Supreme Court, The good Judge has decided to run for governor of Alabama on the holier than thou ticket.

"God says vote for me so we can save our country and save our courts for our children," Moore said at the press conference kicking off his campaign. "Well, I think it was god. The voices in my head confuse me when they all talk at once."

Moore's candidacy could set up a showdown with Governor Bob Riley, a fellow Republican, and turn the Ten Commandments dispute into a central campaign issue in this Bible Belt state. "The way I figure it, things are pretty good here in Alabama," Moore said. The ten commandments should be the issue on everyone's mind."

When asked for his position on employment in the state Moore said, "The Lord helps those who help themselves." When asked about health care he responded, "If thine eye be an occasion of sin for thee, pluck it out. But don't expect the state to pay for it. Or rehab."

When asked about economic growth Moore explained that the residents of Alabama should "Render unto Caesar their tax dollars."

Moore said that if elected, he has no plans to relocate the Ten Commandments monument from its new home at a church in Gadsden to the capitol rotunda. "Although I am thinking about moving the capitol to Gadsden."

"But I'll tell you what I will do. I will defend the right of every citizen of this state — including judges, coaches, teachers, city, county and state officials — to acknowledge my God as the sovereign source of law, liberty and government," he said. "Or else."

To those who have criticized him as a one-issue candidate, Moore said Monday that his main issue is summed up by his campaign theme: "Return Alabama to the people. The white Christian people. Evangelical white Christian that is."

Moore signed a giant copy of his campaign platform in the shape of a cross that called for requiring legislators to attend church services three times a week, barring lawmakers from marrying outside his faith, ending annual tax reappraisals of property owned by the church and imposing new penalties on businesses that employ Episcopalians. "They like the homos you know," Moore said.

A Riley spokesman said much of Moore's platform is similar to Riley's in the 2002 campaign. "Well, except for that part about outlawing Catholics," the spokesman said. "That's new."