Wednesday, April 06, 2005

You Can Be Different, Just Not Different From Me.

We admit to feeling somewhat aimless of late. At loose ends as it were. So we engaged in a little wandering through the internets the other day, hoping to find guidance and prescription drugs for sale without a prescription. That's when we happened upon the thoughts of one Dennis Prager who "conducts orchestras, and has introduced hundreds of thousands of people to classical music."

We were intrigued because he has an honorary degree in Law and he taught Russian history. Did we mention he wrote a book? With words and stuff. One reviewer said he was a sloppy thinker, intellectually pretentious, and preached a kind of benevolent, patronizing conservatism. Woo Hoo! Our kind of guy. We wondered what his thoughts on the meaning of life were, so we clicked our way over to a page of his jottings:

His article starts out: "It is difficult to overstate the depth of the differences between the Judeo-Christian view of the world and that of its opponents, most particularly the Left."

Wow. We have been at loose ends. Totally missed the announcement that the "Left" has become a religion. We thought "Left" people just sort of voted and stuff, then went to whatever church they wanted, but do go on:

"Basic to the biblical world view is the proposition that God made order out of chaos -- order expressed largely through separation and differences. Differences reflect the divine order, while attempts to abolish those differences represent a denial of that order and a yearning for primeval chaos, moral and otherwise."

Wait a minute. This philosophy stuff always gave us headaches. If "difference" is the "divine order" and the "Left" is different from the Judeo-Christian, then by attacking them aren't you the one who represents a denial of that order and a yearning for primeval chaos, moral and otherwise? Don't answer. What else you got?

"Some universities are eliminating men's and women's bathrooms." Oh we're with you there, man. Stop into one of those places drain the lizard and you just know the girls are checking you out. It can be especially embarrassing if it's cold outside and you've got a little shrinkage going on, know what we mean? We bet you do.
But you were saying?

"In the last 10-20 years the word "sex" -- always used to describe male or female -- has been replaced by 'gender.'" Umm...that's a little confusing guy. We thought you'd like that one. Sex Doing the nasty, the beast with two backs, knocking boots, you get the picture. "Gender" is much more polite, more refined, more...vague. Anyway, what's next?

"Laws in the Torah provide further evidence of the biblical desire to retain male-female distinctiveness. The first is the ban on men wearing women's clothing and on women wearing what is distinctive to men." Hey come on. What guy hasn't felt the need for a little lace against his thigh now and then? Why just last night we...ah...well...never mind. So you're saying no blue jeans for girls? No baseball caps? No T-shirts? Our sainted mother used to wear one of the old man's work shirts around the house on cleaning days. Now we understand what's been wrong with us all these years. If only she'd stuck to print dresses and pumps we'd have turned out OK. Wait. Maybe it's because Uncle Ted did stick to print dresses and pumps that we're the way we are.

Dang. It looks like Mr. Honorary Lawyer and band lead Prager can't help us after all. Doggone you Uncle Ted, or Vive la differance. Whatever.

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