Bill Frist For President: And You Thought It Couldn't Get Any Worse

Just when we thought they had managed to adjust the medication of certain Congressional personages after the Schiavo debacle, we read that Senate Majority Leader and cat lover Bill Frist will attend a conference to discuss what part of hell judges should be sent to.

Organizers say they hope to reach more than a million people by distributing the telecast to churches around the country, over the Internet and over Christian television and radio networks and stations. "You will have to remove your aluminum foil deflector beanies to receive the broadcast over the People of Faith Telepathic Broadcast Network though," said one conference official.

Dr. Frist's spokesman said the senator's speech in the telecast would reflect his previous remarks on judicial appointments. "Senator, Frist is very concerned that judges seem to be interpreting the law rather than listening to people who cold possibly be convinced to vote for him for president," his spokesman, Bob Stevenson.

The telecast also signals an escalation by Christian conservatives who see the current court battle as a chance to reverse decades of legal decisions. "We're not to happy with that whole Civil Rights, equal opportunity, everybody gets to vote thing, explained Dr. James Dobson, head of the conservative Focus on the Family.

"The left has been repudiated in almost every recent election we could rig or buy," said Tony Perkins, president of the Family Research Council and organizer of the telecast. "For years activist courts, aided by the A.C.L.U., have been quietly working under the veil of the judiciary, like thieves in the night, to rob us of our God given right to tell other people what to do. They've let women out of the kitchen, and let brown people act like they were full fledged Americans. They've made it OK for our daughters to go to school with people from countries where they don't even speak English, let alone read the Bible, and then said we couldn't make the heathens pray to our Jesus in public buildings when we celebrate our holidays. Is that religious freedom? Not for me it isn't."

When asked if he shared the view that all people should be Christians, specifically conservative evangelical Christians, Senator Frist declined to answer. "I'd have to check the voting records of those groups first," he said. "Who knows, next week I could be a Buddhist."