Does Having A Scary Personality Count?

Perhaps we were a little hasty in yesterday's post about the police handcuffing a kindergartner in Florida. After reading this we wonder if it isn't wise for police to handcuff everyone. At least until they can disarm them.

Critics of the new law, called the "Bus' a Cap on dat Mo Fo" bill, say it will create a "Boyz in da Hood" mentality, where residents shoot first and ask questions later. "Used to be the neighborhood grouch would just squirt you with a hose for cutting across her yard," said Representative Eleanor Sobel an opponent of the bill." Now she may open up on you with an Uzi."

Supporters say the law is a logical extension of the one that allows homeowners who fear for their lives to use deadly force to defend themselves from an intruder in their homes. "If I can shoot someone breaking into my house, it's only logical that I should be able to shoot someone for braking too quickly in front of me. After all, that can be pretty scary too," said Marion Hammer, a former president of the National Rifle Association.

When asked if she had any concerns about putting more guns in the hands of Florida's increasingly elderly population, Hammer replied that "older citizens may not be able to shoot as effectively due to deteriorating eyesight so we recommend they buy automatic weapons. Go for something that can empty its clip in less than two seconds," she advised. "That way what you lose in efficiency you'll make up in volume."

Responding to the Federal Bureau of Investigation's Uniform Crime Report that crime fell faster in states that have strict carrying concealed weapons (CCW) laws, or that don't allow the carrying of concealed weapons at all than in states which have lax CCW laws Hammer, who asked to be addressed as "Ms. Whackmaster," said that crime wasn't really the issue. "When I walk into a room with a piece in my purse, or strapped to my hip, it gives me instant credibility. That more than makes up for my eighth grade education."

"All this bill will do is sell more guns and possibly turn Florida into the OK Corral," Representative Irv Slosberg, another opponent of the bill, said during recent debate. "And I'm Wyatt Earp," said Ms. Hammer."

"It was just a metaphorical term," Slosberg responded. "What I mean is that the over all safety of the public will be lowered if people are running all over with guns and all they have to do is feel threatened to start blasting away."

"You're making me feel a little threatened right now," Hammer replied, slowly pulling back her trench coat to reveal her sidearm.