Thursday, April 07, 2005

SWM Aflame With Lust Seeks LTR. Maybe.

Regular readers (big shout out to the momster) will recall that when last we met the crew here at IM Central were on the fourth page of the Google search results for "no prescription Valium" when we ran across the musings of one Dennis Prager. Finding the lawyer by acclimation ultimately unfulfilling, we moved on and today have discovered a J. Budziszewski who may or may not be a guy, but is trying to be Theophilus who died like in 77 BC. Maybe it's a channeling thing. Anyway, we feel a common bond with people who hear voices in their heads so we stopped by to gather up some advice. Seems Budziszewski/Theophilus is discoursing on the art and science of being single. Let's listen in:

"For most, singleness is a way station on the way to marriage. Some, however, remain single all their lives, either by choice or by circumstance." Ok, we can help with this. How do you know if you're single by choice or circumstance?

Choice: You decide to major in Computer Science
Circumstance: You grew up in South Dakota
Choice: You prefer Analog to Maxim.
Circumstance: Your parents are survivalists. But back to the article:

"If God wants you to be single, He will also provides the spiritual gifts which make it possible." And how do you know you have received some of those gifts? Again, allow us. You know you've been gifted if:

You still have acne when you're forty.
When someone asks you if you have a girlfriend you think of your mother.
You think online role playing games are good ways to meet chicks. Excuse us. You were saying B/T?

"If you are attempting to remain single but find that you cannot bear the burden, it is not a sin to marry. Better to switch to the other way of life than to be aflame with lust." Aflame with lust. Now we're getting somewhere. What do you have to say about that "man in his mid-twenties and working to save money for the last stage of his graduate studies in philosophy" who previously wrote to B/T:

"One thing people tend to misunderstand is that God always gives the gift of celibacy to make us more available to Him, not to make us more available to ourselves." Yes. And when we're too available to ourselves we...umm...Ok...well...ah...I think we'll just move along to the woman who "is the full-time youth minister whose reflections on the not-having-children controversy appeared in a previous B/T." Miss?

"A more pertinent question for your correspondent may be, 'Am I allowed to date?'" interesting interrogative. If one is not allowed to date, how then would one know that one has indeed chosen the right path? On the other hand, if one is allowed to date, one may find Miss Right (or maybe Mr. Right. Not that there's anything wrong with that) and then we would have less time available so to speak.

Blast you Budziszewski/Theophilus and your complications! Back to the Valium search.

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