Wednesday, April 20, 2005

Mr. DeLay? Your Aluminum Hat Is Ready

Continuing with our Congress Gone Wild (or at least unmedicated) theme, today we find Representative Tom DeLay explaining why ethics charges against him are an alien conspiracy, and oh by the way, judges suck. Not to change the subject or anything.

When asked to respond to charges of taking lobbyist funded junkets, DeLay said Supreme Court Justice Anthony Kennedy's work from the bench has been "incredibly outrageous." When asked to explain what he meant, DeLay complained that Justice Kennedy, who was a Reagan appointee, "knew full well," how he should have ruled on the Terri Schiavo case. "And if he had questions, he should have called me."

"And not only that," DeLay continued, "but he does his own research on the Internets. That is just incredibly outrageous. I mean, look at the Internets. That's where porn and stuff is. Not that I know anything about that."

A spokeswoman for the court, Kathy Arberg, said Kennedy could not be reached for comment. "Justice Kennedy takes Mr. DeLay's accusations very seriously and looks forward to responding to them at some future date, but today he had to go home a rearrange his sock drawer," she said.

Dan Allen, a DeLay spokesman, declined comment on the interview. "Look, the guy's been under a lot of stress lately what with trying to do his job in Congress and communicate with Terri Schiavo and Pope John Paul, so you guys need to cut him a little slack. Especially you Earle."

DeLay has called repeatedly for the House to find a way to hold the federal judiciary accountable for its decisions. "The judiciary has become so activist and so isolated from the people that fund me that it's our job to do that," he said. When informed that judges are already accountable for their decisions in that each has to be explained in the context of applicable law DeLay responded, "Law smaw. I am the voice of the American people. I am the one to whom you turn for answers and guidance in these tumultuous times. I am the light and the voice of...Wait. Terri? Terri? Is that you?"

At that point an aide stepped forward and guided Mr. DeLay from the podium. He was heard to say, "Now Now Mr. DeLay. We talked about this. We don't talk to Terri and Pope John in front of others, now do we? Come on, time for your medicine."

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