Where's Lawrence Welk When You Need Him

January 19
We actually turned off the big screen plasma in preparation for the orgy of American Family Values that we expected would flood the airwaves during the impending coronation of The Role Model in Chief. Not that we're against families, or values, but from what we had seen of the previews this was shaping up to be something like the Abu Ghraib of wholesomeness. A sort of 24/7 tour of Donny Osmand's world with no way out. Kind of like that Star Trek episode where the crew was trapped in a hotel where the story in a novel was playing out again and again, except this novel was The Wit and Wisdom of Pat Boone. It was as if an alternate universe had broken through to ours. One where Leave It To Beaver replaced the Constitution.

Well, anyway, with the Big Screen out of commission we were at loose ends, aimlessly wandering the marbled halls here at IM Central. Until we came across this that is. Almost the first thing that happens at Bushfest '05 is someone drops the F bomb.

Gack! The evil liberals have infiltrated the proceedings. Someone call Tom Ridge. It's that damn rock and roll. Even more disconcerting was the fact the Jenna and her sister what'shername were there. Is this the kind of security we provide for the first partiers? OK so they were back in the balcony at the time doing Jello shots, but that's not the point.

Later in the show we are told, someone rode a skateboard onto the stage. Luckily he was Tasered by a Security Guard before he could say anything. Ahhh...virtue protected is virtue preserved.