That's Agenda With A Capital 'A'

January 11
We have to admit that the battle for the hearts and minds of our nation's youth between the uptight, er, upright forces of goodness and virtue and the homos hasn't stirred much interest here in the marbled halls of IM Central. Well, perhaps hearts and minds aren't the body parts we should be listing, but no matter. Reruns of The Simple Life on the big screen plasma usually attract more interest among the flaming heteros who roam the grounds around here.

So it was only with passing indifference that we noted the Supreme Court's refusal to hear a case from Florida banning the adoption of children by gay and lesbian couples. The only such ban in the country.

Matthew Staver, President of the hetero-centric Liberty Council said, the decision (or actually lack of one) "sends a message that the court is not going to be open to a broad based homosexual agenda."

"Agenda." So that's what the kids are calling it these days. Well, perusing the latest photo of the distinguished justices, we can't see how there is much "agenda" going on there anyway. Homo or otherwise, although we've always wondered about what goes on when the robes come off between Thomas and Scalia. Especially after that orgy remark.

Well, that got us thinking about the Resistor in Chief and paragon of family values, The distinguished Governor from Texas. What's that? He's the President now? How did that happen? Somebody must have been asleep at the switch.

No matter. We see Mr. Bush out touting his family friendly agenda Using Mike and Sharla Hinz as an example. The Reverend Mike (yes, he is a Reverend--a First Assembly of God youth Pastor) said he was going to use the extra money he had received through the generous tax cutting of Mr. Bush to buy a wood-burning stove to more efficiently heat their home, make some home improvements and go on a vacation to Minnesota. Ah, it's daylight in America again.

But wait. It turns out the good pastor is a child molester. Dang! We hate when that happens. Well, at least he's a good old fashioned hetero child molester. Can't have them homos around the kids, you know.