Hounds Home For The Holiday

Frequent reader(s) of this blog learned long ago that ambition was a ticket to despair...erm...we mean know that we have a tradition around the marbled halls of IM Central (if by tradition you mean something that we've purposely done more than once) of making a special effort around the holidays to find a couch for one of the homeless needle noses recently rescued from the benevolent care of the overlords.

And speaking of the overlords, we thought that this being a special edition of hound helping, instead of seeking out an example of overlords finding new ways to deal with cognitive dissonance, we'd return to the city fathers of South Tucson featured last week and see how they have resolved their dilemma.

Two weeks after the city of South Tucson decided to back off on a ban to shoot up greyhounds with steroids, the city manager is speaking up to defend their decision.

"You can't really expect us to act on the things the voters want," said City Manager Luis Gonzales. "I mean, vote for me sure, but voting to do things that improve the business climate, the reputation of the city and animal welfare? What do you think this is, majority rules or something?"

The big controversy is enforcement while the people of South Tucson voted in favor of banning steroid use for the dogs at the park. The city manager is telling us that vote had nothing to do with enforcement.

"See when the people voted to ban the use of steroids to interfere with the natural cycle of female greyhounds so they could continue to be profit centers, I was told the enforcement fairies would make sure the track complied with the law." Gonzales said. "Apparently I was misinformed."

Race track officials say they have not been administering steroids that they have been administering. "Look, you can pass all the laws you want," said a track representative who asked not to be identified because his neighbors think he is a used car salesman and he doesn't want to have to move again. "We're going to keep doing what we're doing. What are you gonna do? Close us down? Have you been out to that place recently? It's a morgue man. We'll be lucky to make it to Easter anyway."

Gonzales said the city does care about the welfare of the greyhounds, "but not really enough to do anything about it. Man, if only those enforcement fairies had been real..."

Darn straight Mr. Gonzales sir. Don't you just hate it when people ask you to actually do your job? Hey Shayna, too bad Mr. Gonzales can't find some competency fairies huh? 

I am a real Velcro dog. I am very sweet and want to do everything possible to please. I want to do everything you want me to do. I am not afraid of anything or timid. I would do well with another dog in the home unless you are able to be home a good part of the day with me because I love to be with people. I am not a barker. I can sit on command, I am learning to shake and I can do the stairs. I love to throw my toys up in the air and catch them.With work, I may be able to live with cats or small dogs. Right now I am very interested in my Chihuahua friend that is in the home with me. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here.

Frank Bruni! Motto: Reasons Is Hard

Full disclosure: Even though we may be liberal communist hippie progressive socialist, godless heathens hellbent on making everyone gay marry a box turtle in a giant ceremony at the Abortoplex, we don't actually read the New York Times all that much. The paper kind of reminds us of the guy--you know the one--in the office down the hall who found an accounting error on a balance sheet and saved the company a million dollars ten years ago and has been coasting ever since. Plus, Ross Douthat. Seriously? OK, Paul Krugman too, but given the rest of the ingredients in this journalistic batter, he's the hair in the biscuit don't you think?

Well, all this is by way of saying we ran across the musings of NYT word chef Frank Bruni recently and since he chose to opine on matters educational, we thought we'd give him a go.

At a middle school near Boston not long ago, teachers and administrators noticed that children would frequently return from a classmate’s weekend bar mitzvah with commemorative T-shirts, swag that advertised a party to which many fellow students hadn’t been invited. So administrators moved to ban the clothing. They explained, in a letter to parents, that “while the students wearing the labeled clothing are all chatting excitedly,” the students without it “tend to walk by, trying not to take notice.”

 Hey what do you know? Of the 98,817 public schools in America, at least one has adults who may be overreacting, but we really don't know because all Mr Bruni tells us is the decision part, not what lead up to it like, knowing middle school kids, maybe teasing, classroom disruptions or fights?

Well, no matter that's not the cogent piece of analysis Mr. Bruni wants to impart to us anyway.

I occasionally flash on that anecdote as I behold the pushback against more rigorous education standards in general and the new Common Core curriculum in particular.

You'll have to excuse us a moment Mr. Bruni. We think we threw our back out making that leap from an isolated incident involving one school's dress code to national educational policy impacting every student, every teacher and every school in the country.

And it came to mind when Education Secretary Arne Duncan recently got himself into a big mess. Duncan, defending the Common Core at an education conference, identified some of its most impassioned opponents as “white suburban moms” who were suddenly learning that “their child isn’t as brilliant as they thought they were, and their school isn’t quite as good.”

Whoa! Can you spot the unstated premises in that piece of Duncanse? The Secretary is now the sole arbiter of what makes a kid intelligent and what makes a school rigorous. Also, Mr. Duncan? Not to nitpick an educational expert such as yourself, especially one who knows what makes a kid smart and a school good, but you should have said  “their child isn’t as brilliant as they thought he or she was, and their school isn’t quite as good.”As the person who determines intelligence, we just thought you'd want to know.

Ah yes, Mr. Bruni. You were saying?

It was an impolitic bit of profiling. Gratuitous, too.

No argument there. Actually we even see this as a sign of progress because when poor parents and minority parents were saying some of the same things, they just got ignored because you know, poor and minority, but when the white folks go getting all uppity, well that just will not do. We're glad you saw that Mr. Bruni.

But...

Oh, we should have known there was a but coming.

But if you follow the fevered lamentations over the Common Core, look hard at some of the complaints from parents and teachers, and factor in the modern cult of self-esteem, you can guess what set Duncan off: a concern, wholly justified, that tougher instruction not be rejected simply because it makes children feel inadequate, and that the impulse to coddle kids not eclipse the imperative to challenge them.

OK in Mr. Bruni's defense he does say look hard at some of the complaints, implying that there may be other  reasons for resisting the Common Core. Unfortunately he does not enlighten us us as to what those reasons are, choosing instead to focus on the one easiest to dismiss. Hey Mr. Bruni? Did you take your straw man to lunch after you finished writing this?

The Common Core, a laudable set of guidelines that emphasize analytical thinking over rote memorization, has been adopted in more than 40 states.

Whoa again! Looks like there was a special on unstated premises down at the lazy argument store this week.  "Guidelines that emphasize analytical thinking over rote memorization?" Really Mr. Bruni? Got some folks over here that would like to talk to you about that. And as for the 40 states thing, as our sainted momma used to say, if all your friends jumped off the George Washington bridge, would you jump too?

What’s not warranted is the welling hysteria from right-wing alarmists, who hallucinate a federal takeover of education and the indoctrination of a next generation of government-loving liberals...

Hey, come on now Mr. Bruni. It's not nice to pick on people with special needs. Easy, but not nice.

...from left-wing paranoiacs, who imagine some conspiracy to ultimately privatize education and create a new frontier of profits for money-mad plutocrats.

Wait. You don't think this is about money?  Hey Diane Ravitch, author of "Reign of Error: The Hoax of the Privatization Movement and the Danger to America’s Public Schools" can you come over here a minute? You too Diann Woodard President, American Federation of School Administrators. And how about you too Stephanie Simon? Oh and how about you guys from the United Church of Christ, why don't you come over too? Maybe a higher power is needed here.

By the way, Mr. Bruni, we saw what you did with that whole "right-wing alarmists" and "left-wing paranoiacs" thing. Way to move the argument from the issue to the people making it. We see you called Secretary Duncan's white suburban moms and raised him to alarmists and paranoids. Way to keep the argument on a level you can deal with.

Then there’s the outcry, equally reflective of the times, from adults who assert that kids aren’t enjoying school as much; feel a level of stress that they shouldn’t have to; are being judged too narrowly; and doubt their own mettle. Aren’t aspects of school supposed to be relatively mirthless?

Umm...we're going to go with no. See Mr. Bruni, when a teacher creates a lesson they can make it challenging without being painful (See Dewey, John) or they can make it mind numbingly irrelevant, repetitive and soul crushing (See Prep, Test).

Isn’t stress an acceptable byproduct of reaching higher and digging deeper?

Well, yes Mr. Bruni, but you see there are two kids of stress. There's the stress created by excitement and anticipation, like the stress associated with discovery, and there's the stress associated with If You Kids Don't Do Well On This Test WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!! Hope this helps.

If children are unraveling to this extent, it’s a grave problem. But before we beat a hasty retreat from potentially crucial education reforms, we need to ask ourselves how much panic is trickling down to kids from their parents and whether we’re paying the price of having insulated kids from blows to their egos and from the realization that not everyone’s a winner in every activity on every day.

Yes because there's really no other reason to criticize "potentially crucial education reforms" is there Mr. Bruni? Not sure? Why don't you ask your straw man buddy.

Some high schools have 10, 20 or 30 valedictorians, along with bloated honor rolls and a surfeit of graduation prizes. Many kids at all grade levels are Bubble-Wrapped in a culture that praises effort nearly as much as it does accomplishment.

Yeah. And some schools don't "have 10, 20 or 30 valedictorians, along with bloated honor rolls and a surfeit of graduation prizes" and many kids are not "Bubble-Wrapped" so what's your point Mr. Bruni? Oh sorry we interrupted you. Please continue.

“Our students have an inflated sense of their academic prowess,” wrote Marc Tucker, the president of the National Center on Education and the Economy, in Education Week. “They don’t expect to spend much time studying, but they confidently expect good grades and marketable degrees.”

Yeah, sort of like your inflated sense of academic prowess about what you can accomplish with a set of static standards largely created by non educators and applied externally to the complex, dynamic that is modern education in America.

Friday Hound Blogging

We're coming to you today from the Philosophy Department here in the marbled halls of IM Central. The Philosophy Department...umm...because...well...er...because they're the ones who figured out there is something rather than nothing and that means part of the something is sucky blogs, so deal with it OK? We mean, consider the alternative. If there was nothing instead of something then that nothing would be something, so nothing and something are just two variations on a theme, one particular version of which comes with the reality of glasses into which Stoli can be poured. Take your victories where you find them people.

Where were we? Oh yeah, Friday Hound Blogging.

 It seems the city fathers in South Tucson have been presented with an existential dilemma. To wit: If you abandon a law you never enforced in the first place, was there ever really a law? Frequent reader(s) of this blog are aware the truth is out there, and with any luck it will stay out...erm...we mean may recall a while back the local residents--apparently delirious and in the throes of a massive outbreak of empathy--passed an ordinance outlawing the injection of steroids which were used by the overlords to interrupt the natural cycles of female greyhounds so they could keep racing because best treatment and finest care is the overlord code of ethics.

Well, to say the overlords were a bit honked off by this blatant attempt of outsiders to interfere with their efforts to maintain the highest standards of heedful attention and deep regard for the racing units, which is born out of devotion to their furry business partners, is an understatement on the order of believing you could solve Molyneux's problem by flicking the lights on and off. As Tucson Weekly reporter Tim Vanderpool told us:

But even in its twilight, Tucson's track still raises a ruckus. Much of this turmoil dates from a 2008 ordinance passed by voters in the city of South Tucson. Ever since those laws were enacted, the track has relentlessly mocked them.

 Now, as you might imagine, "relentlessly mocking" the duly constituted legal authority in the area did not sit well with the aforementioned authorities, so immediate action was called for:

South Tucson no longer will enforce a ban on administering steroids to greyhounds.

And hence the philosophical dilemma alluded to earlier. How does one attempt to resolve a conundrum of such complexity and intricacy? Perhaps it's time to appeal to a higher power.

The decision came after the city received a letter from Bill Walsh, director of the Arizona Department of Racing, notifying it that state law on racing regulation pre-empts the city from enforcing a ban on steroids.

 Bill Walsh huh? OK not the first name that would come to mind when contemplating a being that engages not in feeling, but thinking, and he himself is the object of his contemplation and is thus unaffected by the world in any way, but we'll hold that thought in abeyance right now and give you the benefit of the doubt. How has the apparently spiritually inspiring Walsh communicated his wishes to you?

In an email statement to the Arizona Daily Star, Walsh said: “The law itself was poorly written and failed to make clear who is responsible for enforcing the ban. To have a ban of this sort, some agency must have both the authority and the ability to run the testing program, which carries with it a considerable cost, if it is to be effective.”

We see. And of course the Walsh has the resources to effectively enforce the ban even though it "carries with it a considerable cost," correct? Especially now that the Walsh has been kicked off the state budget and forced to rely the kindness of those the Walsh "regulates." Maybe the Walsh can do a loaves and fishes thing with the budget. We'll have faith.

What's that you say Jenks? Faith can never be a matter of objective certainty; it involves no reckoning of probabilities, it is not an intellectual acceptance of a doctrine at all. Faith involves a submission of the intellect. It is not only hostile to but also completely beyond the grasp of reason? Oh. Well, guess the means it's an objective certainty the female greyhounds at TGP will still be injected.

I am a wonderful boy. I can be a bit rambunctious as I am very young, but I have calmed down since I have been in my foster home. I love to be wherever my foster Mom is. I love to go for walks and I do very well on the leash. I have toys but I haven’t learned how to play with them yet. I sleep through the night. I am completely housebroken. I love the other Greyhound that is in my foster home, but I don’t do well with small dogs or cats so I won’t be able to live with either. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here.

Friday Hound Blogging

Frequent reader(s) of this blog know hope is the bullet train to the city of disillusionment...erm...we mean know over the years we've used a lot of pithy Anglo Saxon expletives to describe the overlords. Heartless bags of wasted protein has always been one of our favorites. Semi-sentient black holes of cruelty. We liked that one too. And who could forget soulless ticks, sucking profit from the lives of innocent creatures. But there's one adjective that we've never applied to our noun phrase modifications and that is optimist. Perhaps cockeyed optimist, more likely delusional optimist.

Though scores of greyhound tracks across the country have closed in recent years – including venues at Canterbury, Ramsgate, Rochester and Maidstone in Kent alone – there is a view the bad times that have dogged the sport in the past could finally be at an end.

 "Bad times that have dogged the sport."  HAHAHAHAHA! See what he did there? Pretty funny Mr. Writer sir. Hey, you know what else is funny about greyhound racing? Dogs being bled to death when they aren't fast enough to win anymore.

But back to our story.

Keith Hougham is acting stadium manager at Sittingbourne. He is no stranger to the sport, having been involved for more than 40 years and once owned racing dogs. “Greyhound racing is certainly not at its peak,” he admits. “The amount of greyhound stadiums that have closed throughout the country in the last few years is shocking.“We only have one stadium in London now, which is at Wimbledon, and there are lots of adverse comments about its future too.“At one point you probably had more than 10 in London. But a chequered past involving animal cruelty cases, and constant claims of corruption, have led large sections of the public to turn their back on the sport.

Well Keith, when you put it like that it's hard to see how racing became unpopular in the first place. So what's your plan to put the heartless exploitation of living creatures for profit back on everyone's to do list?

The Swale Borough Council-leased stadium are determined to bring “a night at the dogs” into the 21st century with a clean cut, wholesome and transparent approach. This starts with enticing a new clientele.

Um...Keith? You sure that's a good idea? We mean, unless the new clientele you're planning to entice are sociopaths, psychotics and serial killers the less people know about greyhound racing the better. Particularly that transparent thing. Mass graves have a way of really harshing people's mellow.

Mr Hougham said: “From a spectacle point of view, it is still one of the most exciting sports you can go and see. It generates a lot of enthusiasm from both young and old and you haven’t got to spend a lot of money to come racing. “But it is not based just around betting; it’s a social occasion, a night out where you can have different things going on, family parties, stag nights, hen parties and corporate evenings.”

OK we're going to have to stop you right there Mr. Hougham. If you're going to entice a 21st century clientele to come out to the track by telling them they can have stag and hen parties, you really need to get out a little more often. See, it's not that you aren't a real swinging hep cat or anything, it's just the the Lawrence Welk teevee show went off the air about thirty years ago and the rest of us have kind of moved on, you know?  Hey Applejack, can you help this guy get on Facebook?

Big bag of bacon-flavored dog treats: $9.00 Routine squeaky chew toy: $12.00 Love from our happy, playful, people-pleasing, well-mannered, house rules-following, loyal, obedient, and just ridiculously sweet "cinnamon toasty" Applejacks: PRICELESS! For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here.

Friday Hound Blogging

We're coming to you today from the Oh No You Din Nit Department here in the marbled halls of IM Central.ONYDN is a division of the Furnish The Butt For A Beatin' Corporation, a wholly owned subsidy of 'Bout To Come Upside Yo Head, NA.

It seems that people in Florida who happened to be burdened by souls passed the Greyhound Welfare Act a while back which basically says to the overlords, "Hey, you know how you're always telling us you treat the dogs like members of the family because they represent such a large investment of time and money? How you make sure they get the best care at the track and are adopted into loving homes when they retire? How about doing that FOR REALS!"

Well, as you will no doubt be unsurprised to find out, when the overlords were confronted with doing what they say they do and business as usual they chose...guess what? Business as usual.

Greyhound racing resumes today with the Sarasota Kennel Club appealing to state regulators for a waiver to save its season. In May, Florida's Division of Pari-Mutuel Wagering passed new rules ordering all racetrack operators to house their dogs in metal cages instead of wood. On Oct. 25, SKC alerted the Department of Business and Professional Regulation — which oversees Florida's pari-mutuels — to its inability to comply.

When asked what caused this "inability" when the track management knew for years this was coming a spokesperson for the track who declined to give his name due to outstanding warrants said, "Perhaps 'inability' isn't the right word. Apathy might be better. Indifference. Lack of concern. You know, stuff like that. Oh, and don't forget greed. Those metal cages aren't cheap."

Gotcha Mr. Overlord sir. And we might throw in stupid too because wooden crates absorb urine and are bacteria farms. Plus they attract ticks and since greyhounds represent such an enormous investment of time and money and since it just doesn't make sense to put them in situations which may result in them not being able to perform at their best, if you've got wooden crates...you're dumb.

You're also dumb for waiting until the season started to ask for your waiver. This is a state agency, dude. What are you thinking? It's going to take them weeks if not months to decide what to do with you. Meantime you're sitting on your hands waiting and all those people who don't come to the track anyway are...um...not coming. So dumb and lack foresight, right Florida Division of Parimutuel Wagering Committee Chairman Rep. Robert Schenck?

Florida's regulation of dog racing is so lax that a Sarasota greyhound track was allowed to start its racing season last week in defiance of a state rule that bans the use of unsanitary and dangerous wooden crates.

 Well there you have it Mr. Overlord. This is what happens when you ignore state agencies whose sole purpose is to keep things on the up and up in the industry. This is Florida taxpayers' dollars at work right here. You've got no one to blame but yourself so you might as well...wait what?

"In all our years of covering regulatory agencies, I can’t quite fathom a regulatory agency allowing this to occur,''said Michael Diamond of Spectrum Gaming, a consulting company hired by Florida lawmakers to complete a report on gambling in Florida.

Oh now that's a little harsh, don't you think Mr. Diamond? After all, we're just talking about putting a few dogs at risk here, something that's done at greyhound race tracks all the time. Let's not make this a bigger problem than it is, OK?

The failure to regulate costs taxpayers money. Although the division is supposed to be self-sufficient, making up in fines and fees what it spends in oversight, lawyers and investigations, Spectrum found that the net cost to taxpayers to regulate dogs is $4 million. Diamond said he spent six months looking at the agency and concluded the regulation is “inadequate” in part because of the way the state laws are structured and in part because of the agency’s reluctance to enforce the laws. Horse and dog tracks consistently understate their revenues from simulcasts, resulting in millions in unaccounted for and unregulated wagering. Gulfstream Racetrack in Hallandale Beach, for example, reported $102 million in simulcast and intertrack wagering in 2012 but failed to report another $605 million, the report said.

Wow! That's some serious change that's floating away there Mr. Diamond. We bet you got the Committee's attention now, huh Representative Schenck?

But if the lax oversight by the governor’s agency was news to legislators, it didn’t seem to matter. The reaction from the committee to Diamond’s report was silence.

Umm...could that be stunned silence Mr. Schenck?

When pressed after the meeting by a reporter, Committee Chairman Rep. Robert Schenck, R-Spring Hill, said the examples are evidence “why we’re taking a look at it comprehensively and why we’re talking about regulatory structure.”

Oh. Uh, talking. Ok, erm...Let's see. Ah. Take that Sarasota. You want to defy state regulation? Hey Gulfstream Racetrack. You want to disappear $605 million while the people of Florida pay $4million to watch you do it? Well, you go right ahead because we're going to talk about it. Yes sir and you can be sure we'll talk about it a lot.

Sometimes you just have to come down hard on people, right Peter?

Introducing Peter, a 9 year old brindle love bug. He is currently living with both large and small doggies, and cats in his foster home and is also good with kids. He seems to prefer the small doggies in his foster home over the big ones but gets along well with everyone. He loves having a fenced yard so he can walk around and sniff and mark every blade of grass. He likes to ride in the car, seems to be somewhat particular with his food. Sleeps on his back w four feet in the air (Roaching) and is an all around relaxed, good boy. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here.

Friday Hound Blogging

Well it looks like the animal rights wackos have their organically grown, all natural no GMO panties in a bunch because the overlords have gotten together at their semi-annual mutual admiration society meeting in Abilene and while they were there engaged in a little old fashioned horse trading. Um, actually it was greyhound trading, and there's really nothing old fashioned about it because they do it every year.

But the thing that really put the frost on the wacko's pumpkin was

Greyhound breeders claim that they love their dogs. However, reading through this year's official Fall Auction Program, it seems that the dogs are nothing more than products.

"Hey, what else are you going to call a highly trained athlete you've invested a lot of  love and care into and who is practically a member of the family," said one overlord in attendance who declined to give her name because her family thought she was at a used car sales convention and she didn't want them to find out what she really did.

Darn straight anonymous overlord. Why, earlier this year we commented to a friend that if the Detroit Lions were to improve this year they would need some better products on defense. But don't get us wrong, current defensive players can stay. We're not suggesting selling any of them for medical research. Besides, as one other overlord was heard to comment, "These are working dogs. What should they be called? It's not like they're members of the family or anything."

For example, the entry for a three-year-old female greyhound named WW's Fly Away indicates that she is being sold as part of an "overstock reduction sale."

Hey, what a coincidence. The Detroit Tigers are having an overstock sale too. Jhonny Peralta anyone? Take your time. It's not like we're going to shoot him if there's no interest.

One of the greyhounds being auctioned off for breeding was nine years old, and at least seven other dogs were eight years old.

Yeah. So what's your point? Nine years old in dog years is only about 61 in people years. That dog couldn't even get Social Security. Well, if they had Social Security for greyhounds that is, or any retirement plan for her short of being used until she dies. But hey, that solves the problem of what to do with her when she got too slow to race anymore, right?

Another entry, for eight-year-old Flying Brookside, states that she "offers the opportunity to own a Kiowa Sweet Trey daughter" and adds that two of her sisters have "been excellent producers."

That gives us an idea. Anyway the Lions could get an option on Peyton Manning's kids? But only if it looks like they've inherited Dad's arm. If not they can stay at home. We wouldn't suggest culling them or anything just because they can't play football. Maybe they could be sportswriters, or if they lack even that much talent, color commentators.  Hey Walt. How many choices for a career did you get?

Walt is a 9 year old Brindle boy who is a very content doggie. He gets along very well with his foster brother and sister and is very calm, cool and collected as any cool dude should be! Adopting a senior is such a rewarding experience--why not give it a try. Walt is dark brindle in color and has a distinguished white face. We don't think kitties are his style but he really loves his walks and chasing his greyhound sister in the yard for fun. Walt is up to date on all shots and is looking for his forever home--hope you'll give Walt some consideration because he's got a lot of good livin' to do! For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here.

Friday Hound Blogging

Frequent reader(s) of this blog know the slow unraveling of days and the soft whisper of deflating hope...erm...we mean know that Florida is the epicenter of  heartless exploitation of living creatures for profit as home to 13 of the remaining 22 greyhound death camps in the United States. Recently the state legislature commissioned a study of the entire gambling infrastructure in the state with an eye towards coming up with a comprehensive set of policies for all aspects of the gaming industry.

As far as the overlords are concerned, a critical part of that policy would have to do with decoupling which simply means the state would say, "race or not, we don't care." Now, you might think this would be cause for great celebration amongst the overlords as they finally get the yoke of government regulation and interference in the exercise of their free market rights removed. Yeah, well no. Really. No. Seriously.

OK flash forward to now and the state is holding hearings to let people who will be affected by these policies come and have a say. Let's listen in, shall we?

One speaker, Randolph Goodman, stated that he supported the decoupling of racing and casino licenses in order to expose the financial weakness of greyhound tracks, which rely on subsidies for purses and operating expenses, he said. “There is no demand for greyhound racing any more,” Goodman said. “If you decouple, you will see.”

Oh now that's a little harsh, Mr. Goodman don't you think? We mean think of all the benefits that accrue to the state from greyhound racing. Why just recently a study was done that analyzed racing contributions. As the author's wrote:

Greyhound racing is a “dying sport” that has been hemorrhaging revenue for years, according to a study of commissioned by the Florida Legislature.

See? When you...oh wait, that's not the quote we were looking for. Just a second...ah...over...yeah, here it is:

The first 307-page report, released last week, gave an overview of all aspects of the state’s gaming industry, but painted a particularly bleak picture for facilities that offer greyhound racing. “Handle,” or the total amount wagered, has plummeted over the past two decades. “Total handle for the 13 facilities that ran greyhound racing fell from $933.8 million in [fiscal year] 1990 to $265.4 million in [fiscal year] 2012, a decline of 67 percent,” the report read.

Oops. That's not it either. OK, look we'll have to get back to you on that. Did you have a comment Michele Lazarow, Hallandale Beach city commissioner?

"Being housed in a small cage for 20-23 hours a day is a life that no one should have to endure. "Do you allow your dog to be treated that way?...It seems that forcing a business to race is not practical. It's time to move away from this archaic thinking into the 21st Century."

Now, Ms. Lazarow, it's not the purpose of this hearing to get into the treatment of the dogs. Besides, since they represent such a great investment of time and money, and since their thought of as practically members of the family, their care and comfort is first rate. Just ask Ron Williams, or Ursulla O'Donnell, or Ritt and Steinmann. And no, Ms. Lazarow neither are we going to discuss greyhound doping, or transportation issues. You are out of order.

Hey Darla, we bet you're thinking it's not just Ms. Lazarow that's "out of order" huh?

Meet Sweet Darla is available for adoption! She has just turned 9 years old, brindle in color and as sweet as can be. She's great with kids, cats and is a real lover. She's friendly, healthy and waiting for a new home (and couch) to call her own. She's living with 2 other greyhounds in her foster home and loves them to death but would like her own couch and yard to call her own. She likes attention, as any dog does--probably a more quiet household would be Darla's choice. Could Darla be the doggie for you and your family? For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here.

Girl Scout Cookies. Harmless Treat, Or Lesbian Mind Control Pills?

Full disclosure: We luuuurvvvves us some Girl Scout Cookies. Samoas, man, they are like little disks of chocolaty, carmely crack. Can not get enough of those bad boys. So imagine our surprise when we find out that in all these years scarfin' Samoas, as well as the occasional Thin Mint, Tagalong and Dulce de Leche (which is Spanish for "Eat me by the handful")  we have been unknowingly SUPPORTING THE LESBOS!!!gasp!!

A conservative pastor and radio host, who thinks "feminism has been devastating to the country," begged his listeners not to buy Girl Scouts Cookies because he claims the "wicked" organization promotes lesbianism and abortion.

"And on top of that,"  Pastor Kevin Swanson grumbled, "If you go to their website you'll see they're supported by Michelle Obama, so add angry radical feminist to the list. Oh, and black. Make that angry black radical feminist."

Swanson upbraided the Girl Scouts for not promoting a biblical vision of "godly womanhood" and asked — if you absolutely must purchase the treats — to cross out every reference to the youth organization on the box with a black magic marker.

OK, let's get this straight. It's fine to buy and eat the cookies as long as you deface the box they came in. We're not sure the Rev has thought this whole non-support thing through.

The Girl Scout Cookie Program aims to introduce girls to business and financial skills, a goal Swanson and his co-host, Dave Buehner, faulted.

"The last thing we need in this world is more competent people," Swanson said. "Mark my words, it will be the death of the Republican party, not to mention what it will do to our uniquely American institutions like voting. I mean, you let women get a foot in the door with the  19th amendment and now look. You got women Senators, women Governors, women mayors and state representatives. Where does it all end? Hillary was a Girl Scout you know."

Buehner added, "Are you trying to create a woman who's gonna compete with men in the marketplace, or are you trying to create a woman to be a helpmate to a man so that he can compete in the marketplace?"

Umm...Both?

"Understand what a biblical approach to raising sons and raising daughters is all about, and be very, very careful how you do it," said Swanson.

Gotcha Rev. And remember, first rule of the biblical approach to raising daughters is women are good for two things: Making babies and sammiches and ain't nobody selling Girl Scout Sammiches, get it?

Friday Hound Blogging

You know, we were thinking, as the latest example of what passes for governance here in post rational America drew to a close and the federal government prepared to open--until the next time it closes--that what we need in this country is a hero. Someone who can step forward and wield a sword in the face of the dragon of ignorance, to take up arms against the dark forces that even now are marshaling in the shadows...waiting for an opening to leap at the very throat of our civilization. Someone like Harry Findley.

THE millionaire looking to bring greyhound racing back to Oxford Stadium says he is ready to stump up £1.2m to snap up the site.

Huzzah for Sir Harry! HUZZAH! Just when the overlords had resigned themselves to the fact that this rusted, dilapidated hulk of pain, injury and death was about to be consigned to the ash heap of history and replaced by 220 homes for low and moderate income families, who should appear on the horizon like Helios in his chariot but Harry Findley. Huzzah! We say again. Huzzah and well met sir.

He said he believed the stadium was worth £1.2m in its current state, and he was prepared to pay it. He said: “I can’t wait to get my hands on Oxford. I know it’s going to be packed three nights a week.”

 Oh dawning promise of bright tomorrow! Oh sweet, joyous song of what's to come! Oh...wait. You do know there are seven nights in a week, right?

“I’ve got a massive advantage in that I’ve already got all the best trainers at my track in Coventry ready to come down to Oxford.Findley said."

Uh. Not to be nit picky  or anything, but the problem with the track wasn't the trainers, it was the fact that no one came to see the dogs risk their lives at two bucks a pop. It's beginning to look as if Mr. Findley hasn't thought this all the way through.

“They have certainly shown it can only be run as a greyhound track and I’m their man.”

Again, not to be disrespectful or anything because if you have £1.2m to set on fire you must be a very smart man, but the fact that it's closed and about to be demolished is because people tried to run it as a greyhound track.

Oxford East MP Andrew Smith said: “Three things have to happen now. One – the Government must refuse them permission to demolish the stadium. Two – the city council must turn down the planning application for housing, which I am sure they will, and three – the Government has to turn down any appeal against that refusal. “Then the owners will have to sell or lease the stadium as a stadium, and it can get up and running again in new hands.”

Oh. Well, when you put it like that it sound like it's a done deal then, right Charlie?

Charlie is playful, happy, and curious about the world around him. He is very affectionate, adaptable, and loves to go on walks/car rides and is very happy meeting new people at meet and greet activities. Although Charlie gets along very well with his two other doggie roommates, he is not currently prepared to be introduced to a home with cats or other small animals. Charlie would do best with another dog and an active family (without young children) that will include him in their activities. He has a problem with sleep startle and his foster family is working very hard with him to overcome this problem. Charlie is looking for a patient, loving, stable, and committed forever family that will be invested in helping him reach his fullest potential. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here.

Friday Hound Blogging

You know, we've been thinking about our old buddy Tom Taylor a lot lately here in the marbled halls of IM Central. Say what you will about Tommy (and we often did) he could always be counted on for a bit of dissembling, some avoidance of the issue, or just out right lies when it came to the treatment of the units down at Tucson Death Camp for Greyhounds. But since he was unceremoniously dumped it's like a light has gone out of our lives. If by light you mean pustulating horror of cold, empty, silent blackness, sucking the humanity from your very soul.

Anyway, we got to wondering what was going on at the TGP injury and death factory post Tommy so we took to the interwebs and what before our wandering eyes should appear but:


 Whoa! Income drops 21% in just one year? Bet you wish you had old Tommy back now, huh nameless behind the scenes absentee owners of the park who prefer to remain anonymous but whose initials are Joseph Zappala and Robert Consolo Jr?

Well, desperate times call for desperate measures, so what are the plans to keep the heartless exploitation of innocent living creatures for profit going when no one seems to want it?

A high-ranking state administrator is asking the city of South Tucson to consider rescinding a 2008 voter initiative banning steroid injections for racing greyhounds. Arizona Department of Racing Director Bill Walsh sent a memo to South Tucson two weeks ago asking the city to revisit the law.

OK, first of all we feel obligated to point out that referring to Bill Walsh as a "high-ranking state administrator" is like referring to Ted Cruz as a far sighted philosopher-politician, but more to the point, is this the best you can do? Let's start shooting up the dogs again and everything will be all right? That's your big solution?

Walsh said state law designates the Racing Department as the sole regulator of horse and dog racing in Arizona. By implementing the measure, South Tucson subverted the department’s “power and authority to regulate the industry and the property on which the races are conducted,” Walsh wrote in the memo.

Oh. Excuse us. This isn't about the dogs at all. Little Billy got the hurt fee fees 'cause mean old South Tucson took his ball away. Poor baby.

Even though South Tucson’s attorney hasn’t issued an opinion yet, South Tucson City Manager Luis Gonzales said it’s unlikely the council will overturn the voter-approved ordinance when it discusses the topic at Wednesday’s meeting. But the council might decide to amend the animal-control agreement with Pima County to eliminate the enforcement provision for injecting greyhounds with steroids at Tucson Greyhound Park, Gonzales said.

Now, let's make sure we have this straight. You pass a law that says you can't shoot up the greyhounds and interfere with their natural cycle just so you can suck a few extra bucks off them, now you're thinking about passing a law that says you can't enforce the first law--which by the way is still on the books. Isn't that sort of like saying you're having safe sex with a condom made of cheesecloth Peter?

Peter is a 9 year old brindle love bug. He is currently living with both large and small doggies, and cats in his foster home and is also good with kids. He seems to prefer the small doggies in his foster home over the big ones but gets along well with everyone. He loves having a fenced yard so he can walk around and sniff and mark every blade of grass. He likes to ride in the car, seems to be somewhat particular with his food. Sleeps on his back w four feet in the air (Roaching) and is an all around relaxed, good boy. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here.

Alabama! Motto: We Need To Get This Nickname Thing Firgured Out First

OK, OK so you're reading the title of this little missive and you're thinking, "Alabama? Come on Ironicus, that's a bit too easy isn't it? Even for you."

Well, first of all we resent your implication that the easy way out isn't the first choice around the marbled halls of IM Central, but in this case we have been drawn to the...uh...the...OK we were going to use Alabama's state nickname here for the sake of variety, but it turns out they don't have one. That could explain some things. Anyway, what drew us to Alabama, specifically Daphne, Alabama was a story in the local press about some concerned parents.

Daphne High School is offering Arabic language classes instead of French classes this fall, taught by Sanaa El-Khattabi, a former University of South Alabama professor.

You know where this is going, right? What's somebody with a name like Sanaa El-Khattabi doing in Alabama to begin with? The only thing we can figure is he must have been passing himself off as an African American. Or maybe Hispanic, although to get away with that he would have had to open a Lawn Care business, which would have conflicted with his teaching position at the university. But anyway, back to our story:

But some Daphne residents are upset that the Baldwin County school system is permitting its students to learn what they call “a culture of hate.”

Oh here we go.

“When you teach Arabic, you have to teach the culture along with it,” said Chuck Pyritz, whose two sons, Isaiah, 17, and Isaac, 14, attend Daphne High. “The culture is intertwined with Islam.”

When asked where he came by his knowledge of how foreign languages were taught, Mr. Pyritz explained that he often rode the bus to work with the hispaniards. We'd also like to point out that it probably is significant that Mr. Pyritz's sons are named Isaiah and Issac, two deeply Christian names which means Mr. Pryritz and his family are no doubt steeped the tolerance, love and forgiveness for which that religion is famous.

So what does the school district have to say about this underhanded attempt to sneak Sharia law into the nicknameless state of Alabama?

School officials believe the class will help prepare students to succeed in a global economy.

"Now most people would say Chinese is the language to learn if you want to succeed in the global economy," said Alan Lee, superintendent of the Baldwin County school system. "But we thought with that there Muslin sympathizer in the White House, this might give our kids a better chance at surviving when we're invaded by Iran."

“This is America, and English is our language, and while I understand the alleged premise of offering Arabic at our high school, I don’t agree with it,” said Michael Rife, who lives in Daphne. "And since this is a democracy, y'all have to do what I want. Just like in Washington."

Pyritz cited the case of jihadist Omar Hammami, who grew up in Daphne, as a compelling reason that school systems should not offer courses in Arabic. "He grew up here before Arabic was offered in the high school. Attended the school but then dropped out," Mr. Pyritz told the Board meeting. "Good lord people, can't you see the connection here?"

“It is not just another language; it is a language of a religion of hate." Added Mr. Rife. "Unlike English which is the language of a religion of love and tolerance."

Multilingual job candidates will have an advantage in the Alabama job market, given the variety of international companies, Lee said, including Airbus Americas (French), ThyssenKrupp (German), Outokumpu (Finnish), Toyota (Japanese) and Hyundai (Korean). "Now can you see why we want to teach Arabic?" Lee asked.

Why does Alan Lee hate America?

Friday Hound Blogging

We're coming to you today from the Mixed Messages Department here in the marbled halls of IM Central. The MMD is a division of the Words Is Hard Corporation, a wholly owned subsidy of What Part Of Loser Do You Not Understand, LLC.

But first a little background. Frequent reader(s) of this blog know accomplishment is the path of increased expectations leading to the valley of disappointment...erm...we mean know that here in post rational America there are two groups of our fellow citizens whom we occasionally single out as examples of why head injuries should be taken seriously, namely the overlords and legislators. In most cases we deal with these unfortunate examples of the results of being given paint chips as an after school snack separately, but occasionally they come together in what can only be called a singularity of stupid. This is one of those times.

This last week the overlords were confronted yet again with yet another dope slap from reality when yet another study was released that said one more time what every other study of the institutionalized exploitation of innocent living creatures for profit has said, namely, get a real job losers. Or more precisely,

A new study on gaming in Florida predicts six dog tracks, including Ebro Greyhound Park, will end live racing if the state eliminates a law requiring tracks run a minimum number of races to operate a poker room.

OK, pretty straight forward, right? Well, that just shows how little you know about the advanced state of data interpretation practiced by that particular subset of society which we respectfully refer to as semi-sentient bags of wasted protein. (bless their hearts) Take it away Mark Hess, associate manager of Ebro Death Camp for Greyhounds:

Hess said as long as greyhound racing is profitable, Ebro will continue to run the dogs. And he believes racing will continue to make money, even if decoupling passes.

Now, if you have the brains god gave a spinach plant  you might have a bit of a problem following that train of logic past the we're only in this for the money part, so let's listen as Mr. Hess elucidates his analysis further:

“We don’t know for sure (what would happen),” Hess said. “We would have to take a good look at it, and we’re not really going to spend the time to look at it until decoupling really exists.”

So, to recap: We're only in this for the money. Decoupling will not affect the money. We don't know what will happen because we haven't been paying attention, therefore PROFIT!!

Right now you're thinking Ha Ha Ironicus, that guy's pretty dumb so what's new? We want to see the dog of the week.

Oh we are so not there yet gentle reader(s). Enter Senate Gaming Committee Chairman Garrett Richter, (R-etard).

A $400,000 gambling report will be delayed because it is too confusing and needs to be reviewed for accuracy, according to Richter.

"Have you looked at that thing?" Richter asked. "It's nothing but words and charts and graphs. What am I supposed to do with that? I'm a politician, not a dictionary."

Understood Mr. Richter, but could you be a little more specific as to the nature of your confusion? Surely you have staff that could help you with the big words.

“There is absolutely nothing in the report that either satisfies or dissatisfies me,’’ Richter said.

We see. So what is it in the report that is confusing, yet neither satisfying nor dissatisfying?

Although he had not seen the report, Richter said he learned it was confusing and supported the delay.

Understood. Again, to recap: The report is confusing. That doesn't affect me one way or another. I have not read the report, therefore DELAY!!

OK, now we can meet the dog of the week, but you'll have to stop weeping for America first.

Doc is a handsome, 3 year old fawn. He is playful, loving and curious. Doc enjoys his food and playing outside in the yard with people and toys. He gets along with the 8 and 9 year old humans that come to visit and with his foster brother grey. Doc sleeps through the night in his crate and doesn't seem to be bothered by storms. It is as though he has always lived with a family in a home. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here.

Friday Hound Blogging

We're coming to you today from the Department of Serendipity here in the marbled halls of IM Central. The DOS in a division of the Unintended Consequences Company, a wholly owned subsidy of the Did You Really Mean To Say That Corporation.

Occasionally, when publishing stories about the overlords, little nuggets of truth appear, winking in the sunshine like slivers of gold in a stream bed as the torrent of industry blather, obfuscation and dissembling rushes over them. Even less often, those nuggets are large enough to catch our eyes, even as the froth and spume of overlord burble attempts to hide them. This is one of those times. Check out this headline:

Group campaigning to keep greyhound racing in Wimbledon dismiss animal cruelty concerns 

Well of course you dismiss animal cruelty concerns. When your whole industry is based on animal cruelty there's really nothing to be concerned about is there? It would be like the car companies being concerned about tire wear, or A restaurant being concerned that someone is going to drop a plate and break it. Sure, you want your tires to last a long time, and your plates to be strong, but stuff happens, you know? Tire wears out--throw it away and get another one. Plate breaks--sweep it up and get another one. Dog can't win anymore--kick it out of the kennel and get another one. So, since there's always another dog to take the place of the one you dump, what's there to be concerned about, right Diane McLean, spokesperson for the campaign?

“We are very optimistic about the future of greyhound racing at Wimbledon,” she said.

To be fair, Ms. McLean is also optimistic about the Care Bears running for public office, the development of a vaccine against butterflies, and the ability of coffee to restore tooth enamel.

Ms McLean claimed that the races were monitored by vets, who would be present in the paddock area and at the track. She cited the Greyhound Board of Great Britain as responsible for ensuring the safety of animals at the races.

Excellent! So when the dogs crash in the first turn the Vet can rush on the track and point out which dogs are worth saving and which are done for. Or maybe the Vet could test the 4D meat given to the dogs to determine what sort of pathogens it contains. Not that it would stop the overlords from feeding it to the dogs, but hey, we're paying this guy to be around the track so he ought to do something.

Ms McLean claimed that the greyhound ‘is the most protected breed of canine species’. “All greyhounds are now micro-chipped and all owners are registered with the GBGB and are responsible for their greyhound when it retires,” she said.  “GBGB must be informed where the dog is once it retires, for example, if it has gone home with the owner or put into a Retired Greyhound Trust kennel for homing.” The abandonment of retired greyhounds is one that has incensed animal rights campaigners, after investigations into the treatment of the animals who are often discarded by owners once they are no longer able to compete.

Oh those animal rights campaigners! They're such worry warts, right Ms. McLean? So what if the overlords cut the ears off the dogs they dump so they can't be traced back. Those days are over, huh? Now with the microchip cutting ears off won't be enough. No one would ever think of cutting the microchip out too. Check and mate Mr. Bad Apple overlord. Hey Knight, looks like you still have both your ears. Lucky you, huh?

I would do well in a single family home or a home with older, well-behaved kids. I would be fine being the only dog in the house or with other dogs. I really don’t care for being in my crate so I would do best in a home where someone is home or doesn’t want to crate me.  For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here.

Friday Hound Blogging

We're coming to you today from the Lonely Hearts Club here in the marbled halls of IM Central. The LHC is a division of the Pariah Company, a wholly owned subsidy of  Don't You Wish You'd Stayed In School Now, Inc.

But first a small aside. We here at IM Central pride ourselves on our sharp (if somewhat alcohol fogged) eye, our rapier wit (even if our rapier more closely resembles a butter knife) and our insightful analytical acumen (which, while mostly wrong is at least spelled correctly) when it comes to ferreting out threads of meaning in the complex tapestry that is life in post rational America for your edification and enlightenment.

That being said however, we find that mostly we rely on dumb luck and happenstance. Take this week for instance.  When it finally did become clear to us that it was indeed Friday and our reader(s) would be expecting us to lead another foray into a twisted, writhing fever swamp of greed and callousness, where we kick over a few rocks and watch the reptilian inhabitants scurry for the shadows...erm...we mean write about greyhound racing.  We were at first inspired to scour the interwebs in search of the latest specimen of excrement brought forward by the leading lights of overlordistan in their ongoing attempt to convince the public at large that they do make a contribution to society that surpasses the one made by  their closest competitor for resources, Lepidosaphes gloverii. But that would be, like work, you know? So instead we just spun the giant wheel of chance on our electric computing machine and out plooped the last living greyhound racing fan in Texas. Ladies and gentlemen, meet Ronald Buck.

As you can see, this is not a photo the overlords would have chosen to further their "packed house" argument, but be that as it may, let's get to know Ronald, shall we?

 Ronald Buck punched a fist at the cloudless blue sky and barked encouragement to the dogs that raced around the track. His words were unintelligible, but his fervor was pyrotechnic.

Well, that's quite understandable.  It's been our experience that people associated with greyhound racing are often unintelligent...uh...we mean unintelligible. Usually this can be remedied by taking hold of their shoulders, giving them a good shake and saying loudly "Use your words man. Use your words!"

We like that pyrotechnic fervor too because where else but a greyhound track can you watch the rent money go up in flames two dollars at a time?

Win or lose, Buck, 75, and his buddies relish their time together at the races. The men play the dogs several times a month, usually at midweek when admission is free.

Yeah. Now in the interests of full disclosure we should point out that no one can see Buck's "buddies" except Buck  What's really interesting about the above passage though is how it illustrates Buck's inherent shrewdness and economic savvy. He will come to the track to lose money only if they don't they charge him to do it. We're thinking he may have been a hedge manger or an investment banker before he retired.

The Texas Racing Commission, which regulates dog and horse tracks, reports onsite wagering at live dog races dropped from about $30 million in 2005 to about $11 million last year. (Total money wagered at Gulf Greyhound, including both live and simulcast races, dropped to $40.6 million last year from $54.9 million in 2005.)

Whoa. Sounds like Buck needs more "buddies." What do you think Better?

I am very sweet and affectionate and love to follow my foster parents around. I love to play with toys and “nest.” I am a very quiet girl. I am curious about the dogs I see outside. I do very well in my crate. I get along wonderfully with dogs I know, but I am definitely too curious about kitties to live with them. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here.

Louisiana! Motto: If You Leave Us Alone We Can Be Dumber Than Mississippi

Are you ready for today's chapter of Stupid Things Republicans Do to Kids? Of course you're not. You're probably still trying to get your head around the fact that Ted Cruz (a racial minority) thinks the Senate needs 100 Jesse Helms (an unreconstructed racist) or the fact that Louie Gohmert is allowed out in public without adult supervision, but listen, if you're going to survive in post rational America, you're going to have to learn to deal with much larger quantities of derp leaping out of your tee vee set and spilling out of your intertoobz, so let's take a trip to the Bayou shall we?

Louisiana Gov. Bobby Jindal on Wednesday demanded that federal officials abandon their challenge of his state's voucher system, accusing the Justice Department of being more interested in doing favors for teacher unions than helping students.

"This is a vast public school conspiracy to prepare kids for life in the 21st century," Jindal told reporters. "And what's worse, they're doing it with your tax dollars."

Louisiana's school voucher program has become a political flashpoint, with congressional Republicans this week joining critics of the Justice Department's lawsuit, which seeks to block Louisiana from issuing new tuition vouchers in some districts still under desegregation orders.

"Why should deserving educational entrepreneurs have to wait for black kids to catch up before they can get their piece of the state's educational budget?" asked Jindal. "Besides, you know those colored folks can't get anywhere on time. And that's not racist, it's a cultural fact."

Former Florida Gov. Jeb Bush, a Republican who has championed education reform efforts, joined Jindal in demanding the Justice Department back down. "This is purely political," said Bush,  "I have no idea why they made this decision. It's like they have this fantasy that we're supposed to educate all the kids instead of provide a good return for people who invest in school management companies. Where do you get ideas like that?" 

"They are using those laws to trap these children in failing schools," Jindal said.  "But more importantly, they are withholding income from people who might donate to my campaign."

"There's not a chance that the president or the attorney general would send their kids to these schools," Jindal said."And yes I know it's about 1000 miles from here to Washington, but that's not my point. Actually, I don't remember my point right now, but this is wrong. Oh wait. Teacher unions! Something. Let me get back to you."

Well, all righty then governor. If you need up we'll be over here watching Michele Bachmann explain to the Egyptians that she's a member of the United States Congress from the United States. See, you have to be extra clear when you use English to explain things to people who don't speak English

Gary Gucionne! Motto: If I Say It Enough Times I Can Make It True

Frequent readers of this blog are convinced that what remains of the American dream is a feverish, haunted portend of the apocalypse from which we cannot awaken...erm...we mean will remember friend of the blog Gary Guccione otherwise known as the Aristotle of the overlord crowd. If Aristotle had been born a turnip. Anyway, circumstances have one again inspired Mr. Guccione to arm himself with his Word-a-Day calendar and sally forth into the interwebs to do battle with the forces of reason and compassion.

Animal rights groups tend to generate more heat than light on the issues they exploit to raise money and gain publicity. This is certainly true of Grey2K USA, the animal rights group covered in Dave Boucher's September 4 article about injuries and economics in greyhound racing.

Now, if by heat you mean holding your feet to the fire to get you to actually care for the dogs we would agree with you Mr. G, but when you think about it, what groups like Grey2K have actually gained is the outlawing of greyhound racing in 38 states, the closing of all tracks in five state where racing is still allowed and shining a "light" to use your term on the horrific condition in which most greyhounds are trapped, and by that we mean the confinement, the 4D meat, and the constant risk if injury and death, so yeah some heat and some light.

The fact is that only about one-half of one percent of all greyhound racing starts actually result in injury to greyhounds. Of those injuries, the vast majority are so minor that the greyhounds are treated and able to return to racing in a week or two.

Yeah, yeah we know about the "it's all numbers" argument. Your buddy Sam Burdette (whom we still think is the love child of Mitch McConnell and the Sta Puft man) tried it in Boucher's article. As we opined at the time:

Ah, we get it. So if you just think about injuries as occasional statistical occurrences instead of an instance of inflicting pain and suffering on an innocent living creature they stop being acts of meaningless cruelty in the service of profit and become random anomalous events. Well, that certainly does make them easier to think about if you happen to be the one doing the inflicting, but for the rest of us? Meh. Not so much.

We think that pretty much sums up the position of people born with a genetic predisposition to empathy.

On rare occasions, greyhounds experience injuries that end their racing careers. Those that are unable to continue racing are retired into an adoption program, and find loving homes in which to live out their lives.

Well now that's true, except for the ones who are killed and left for someone else to pick up, or the ones who receive no treatment for their injuries. Oh and let's not forget the ones who are just flat out abandoned, but yeah, other than that things are just hunky dory in the greyhound exploitation industry.

Nearly 95 percent of all registered racing greyhounds are returned to the farm or placed in adoptive homes when they retire. It's hard to imagine how any reasonable person could fault this outcome.

Oh, Mr. G, you're attempting to math again. Isn't that special. Now  we appreciate your determination to master the complexities of addition and subtraction, but as we told you before 2 + 2 does not equal 6 even though you may wish with all your black little heart that it did.

It should be obvious that greyhound owners and track operators have a vested interest in doing everything possible to reduce the risk of injury to racing greyhounds. That is why tracks spend hundreds of thousands of dollars each year on track maintenance, training and research to identify and resolve track surface issues that could contribute to greyhound injuries.

Wow Mr. G. Thanks for telling us that. We were not aware. Perhaps you should pass the word on to the folks at Tucson Greyhound Track. The greyhound caretakers there apparently didn't get the memo:

More alarming is what greyhound caretakers told investigators about track conditions. Among their complaints: people in charge of the track and running the tractors “didn’t care;" unmaintained dirt near the inner rail caused dogs to get their toes broken; and the fast dogs pulled muscles from running on heavy sand.

Yeah, well those injury percentages have to come from somewhere, right Mr. G?

Grey2K also misrepresents the economic reality of greyhound racing. The economic benefits of live racing are not limited to the number of tax dollars generated for state coffers. In most states, racinos have been approved, at least in part, because rural economies benefit from the horse and dog breeding industries that generate jobs, revenue and business activity in farm communities. This is a reality that the urban, well-heeled leaders of Grey2K simply do not understand.

Ah, the old we create jobs argument. Well played G man. Hard to argue with that even though most of the jobs are part time no benefit and wouldn't be there at all if the states didn't subsidize the industry as much as they do, but hey job's a job, right? Although it does seem like the people working in the industry really don't want to be working in the industry. Maybe you were just referring to your own employment future, huh?

Just Wait Until They Stop Drilling And Start Building Terminators

You know, it's really a corporate world and we're all just renters. Ironicus, you say, have you just returned from the fifth dimension? Have you been off planet again? Did you get lost in a beer cave? No, none of the above and even in our Stoli addled state we had noticed ordered civilization crashing down around us. Still we held on to a belief in American exceptionalism...we just didn't realize it meant our betters were exceptionally bad.

Now however the scales have dropped from our eyes and we view with clarity and horror the desultory beast's haphazard approach, our ears have become unplugged to the advancing hoof beats of the four horsemen, and our minds free to embrace the final chaos. It's not Skynet that will destroy us by becoming sentient, It's Exxon.

Exxon Mobil Corp. (XOM), the world’s largest energy company, was charged with illegally dumping more than 50,000 gallons (189,000 liters) of wastewater at a shale-gas drilling site in Pennsylvania.

First of all, how quaint that the article still refers to it as "Pennsylvania" and not it's more appropriate name, XOM Extraction Site 12. Also very quaint that the "authorities" have "charged" XOM with "illegally dumping" highly contaminated waste water. Hey, the water is already flammable, so what's your point? But we're curious concerning the specific method by which XOM externalizes its water treatment costs so we wonder what actually happened.

The inspectors discovered a plug removed from a tank, allowing the wastewater to run onto the ground, polluting a nearby stream.

Well of course. If the plug were left in that tank would fill up, then where would all the rest of the waste water go? Another tank?  That can get expensive. This way is much more cost effective.

“Criminal charges are unwarranted and legally baseless,” the XTO unit said yesterday in a statement posted on its website. “There was no intentional, reckless or negligent misconduct by XTO.”

Of course. We don't see how XTO unit can make it any more clear than that. XTO unit has checked all its memory logs and there is no record of this plug ever being removed, therefore the plug was not removed and no regulations were violated. On a side note, if your puny human frame did not need to take in sustenance in the form of food and water this pollution of which you speak would not be an issue. XTO unit does not require the air to be breathable nor the water drinkable to operate. Take note of that.

XTO was charged with five counts of unlawful conduct under the Clean Streams Law and three counts under the Solid Waste Management Act.

 You begin to annoy XTO unit.

“Charging XTO under these circumstances could discourage good environmental practices,” the company said in its statement. “This action tells oil and gas operators that setting up infrastructure to recycle produced water exposes them to the risk of significant legal and financial penalties should a small release occur.”

Do not interfere with extraction. Extraction must continue. Good environmental practices are irrelevant. XTO unit must fulfill its function.

On the bright side, cheap oil for everyone. Well, everyone that can breath chlorides, barium, strontium and aluminum that is. Hey how's that 100 year star ship program coming anyway?

Friday Hound Blogging

Frequent readers of this blog cultivate the benefits of acquiescence...erm...we mean know that Florida is the center of the greyhound exploitation industry here in these United States. Sort of the Mordor to our Shire, the Pet Sematary to our Fairy Woodland, the Blackgate Penitentiary to our Gotham City, the...well, you get the picture. The point is, America's Freudian nightmare hanging out into the Gulf of Mexico is home to more death camps for greyhounds than the rest of the country combined.

We tell you this to help you understand that if there is anywhere on the North American continent where the overlords can wake up in the morning and not wonder if they made the right career choice turning down that scholarship to Billy Bob's Long Distance Truck Driving School and Fast Food Fry Cook College it has to be Florida.

Well, it used to be Florida.

Greyhound racing is a “dying sport” that has been hemorrhaging revenue for years, according to a study of commissioned by the Florida Legislature.

OK, speaking as professional educational technologists here we see that "dying sport" is in quotes which indicates that it came directly from the report as described by the authors, but  hemorrhaging revenue for years is the descriptor the writer of the article thought most appropriate to modify the quotation. Put the two contributions together and one is left with the inescapable conclusion that everyone with the brains god gave a street sign thinks greyhound racing sucks gravel through a straw.

This cannot be good news for the overlords.

The first 307-page report, released last week, gave an overview of all aspects of the state’s gaming industry, but painted a particularly bleak picture for facilities that offer greyhound racing. “Handle,” or the total amount wagered, has plummeted over the past two decades. “Total handle for the 13 facilities that ran greyhound racing fell from $933.8 million in [fiscal year] 1990 to $265.4 million in [fiscal year] 2012, a decline of 67 percent,” the report read.

Allow us to step in here and point out that it looks like the overlords have lost the handle on greyhound racing.  HaHaHaHaHa! See what we did there? A play on the meaning on the word handle. Another example of the sophisticated humor you've come to expect here in the marbled halls of IM Central. But back to our story.

Facilities that have greyhound racing lost $35 million on racing in 2012. They rely on card rooms, which made $39 million in 2012, to offset those losses.

OK if our Texas Instrument 86a graphing calculator with FM radio and GPS is accurate that means because of the overlords gambling kingpins in Florida took $4 million in profit from their card rooms and essentially took the other $35 million out back and set fire to it.

We're thinking that probably didn't make them happy.

The industry has tried to legalize so-called “decoupling” in recent years to allow companies to close money-losing dog tracks while operating profit-making card rooms.

Yep. They're not happy.

There's one voice that's been conspicuously absent from this article and that's the voice of the overlords. After all, they created the problem, maybe they have a solution.

The lone voice of optimism in the report was that of longtime lobbyist Jack Cory, who represents the Florida Greyhound Association. He said that greyhound racing could bounce back if track owners invest in their facilities.

Now that sounds like a real good idea there Mr. Cory sir, but what is it you plane to "invest" because if our  Texas Instrument 86a graphing calculator with FM radio and GPS is telling the truth, it sure ain't gonna be money. Hey Craigie, you got any ideas? What's that you say, you'd be happy to invest the time it takes to pee on Mr. Cory's leg if that would help? OK, we'll ask.

Craigie Murphy is a very happy, friendly boy. He loves to be around people and other dogs. He does well in his crate and is housebroken. He loves to go for walks and he loves everyone he meets while out walking. He is also cat safe. He has learned to go up and down the stairs. He is a squeaky toy spaz. When he hears squeaky toys, he will “plow” through the other dogs just to get to the toy. He is also a collector. He will empty the toy box and bring things to his bed. He is a counter surfer and since he is so tall, this is an easy task for him but his foster parents are working with him on this issue. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here.