Friday, September 13, 2013

Friday Hound Blogging

Frequent readers of this blog cultivate the benefits of acquiescence...erm...we mean know that Florida is the center of the greyhound exploitation industry here in these United States. Sort of the Mordor to our Shire, the Pet Sematary to our Fairy Woodland, the Blackgate Penitentiary to our Gotham City, the...well, you get the picture. The point is, America's Freudian nightmare hanging out into the Gulf of Mexico is home to more death camps for greyhounds than the rest of the country combined.

We tell you this to help you understand that if there is anywhere on the North American continent where the overlords can wake up in the morning and not wonder if they made the right career choice turning down that scholarship to Billy Bob's Long Distance Truck Driving School and Fast Food Fry Cook College it has to be Florida.

Well, it used to be Florida.
Greyhound racing is a “dying sport” that has been hemorrhaging revenue for years, according to a study of commissioned by the Florida Legislature.
OK, speaking as professional educational technologists here we see that "dying sport" is in quotes which indicates that it came directly from the report as described by the authors, but  hemorrhaging revenue for years is the descriptor the writer of the article thought most appropriate to modify the quotation. Put the two contributions together and one is left with the inescapable conclusion that everyone with the brains god gave a street sign thinks greyhound racing sucks gravel through a straw.

This cannot be good news for the overlords.
The first 307-page report, released last week, gave an overview of all aspects of the state’s gaming industry, but painted a particularly bleak picture for facilities that offer greyhound racing. “Handle,” or the total amount wagered, has plummeted over the past two decades. “Total handle for the 13 facilities that ran greyhound racing fell from $933.8 million in [fiscal year] 1990 to $265.4 million in [fiscal year] 2012, a decline of 67 percent,” the report read.
Allow us to step in here and point out that it looks like the overlords have lost the handle on greyhound racing.  HaHaHaHaHa! See what we did there? A play on the meaning on the word handle. Another example of the sophisticated humor you've come to expect here in the marbled halls of IM Central. But back to our story.
Facilities that have greyhound racing lost $35 million on racing in 2012. They rely on card rooms, which made $39 million in 2012, to offset those losses.
OK if our Texas Instrument 86a graphing calculator with FM radio and GPS is accurate that means because of the overlords gambling kingpins in Florida took $4 million in profit from their card rooms and essentially took the other $35 million out back and set fire to it.

We're thinking that probably didn't make them happy.
The industry has tried to legalize so-called “decoupling” in recent years to allow companies to close money-losing dog tracks while operating profit-making card rooms.
Yep. They're not happy.

There's one voice that's been conspicuously absent from this article and that's the voice of the overlords. After all, they created the problem, maybe they have a solution.
The lone voice of optimism in the report was that of longtime lobbyist Jack Cory, who represents the Florida Greyhound Association. He said that greyhound racing could bounce back if track owners invest in their facilities.
Now that sounds like a real good idea there Mr. Cory sir, but what is it you plane to "invest" because if our  Texas Instrument 86a graphing calculator with FM radio and GPS is telling the truth, it sure ain't gonna be money. Hey Craigie, you got any ideas? What's that you say, you'd be happy to invest the time it takes to pee on Mr. Cory's leg if that would help? OK, we'll ask.

Craigie Murphy is a very happy, friendly boy. He loves to be around people and other dogs. He does well in his crate and is housebroken. He loves to go for walks and he loves everyone he meets while out walking. He is also cat safe. He has learned to go up and down the stairs. He is a squeaky toy spaz. When he hears squeaky toys, he will “plow” through the other dogs just to get to the toy. He is also a collector. He will empty the toy box and bring things to his bed. He is a counter surfer and since he is so tall, this is an easy task for him but his foster parents are working with him on this issue. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here.

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