Alabama! Motto: We Need To Get This Nickname Thing Firgured Out First

OK, OK so you're reading the title of this little missive and you're thinking, "Alabama? Come on Ironicus, that's a bit too easy isn't it? Even for you."

Well, first of all we resent your implication that the easy way out isn't the first choice around the marbled halls of IM Central, but in this case we have been drawn to the...uh...the...OK we were going to use Alabama's state nickname here for the sake of variety, but it turns out they don't have one. That could explain some things. Anyway, what drew us to Alabama, specifically Daphne, Alabama was a story in the local press about some concerned parents.

Daphne High School is offering Arabic language classes instead of French classes this fall, taught by Sanaa El-Khattabi, a former University of South Alabama professor.

You know where this is going, right? What's somebody with a name like Sanaa El-Khattabi doing in Alabama to begin with? The only thing we can figure is he must have been passing himself off as an African American. Or maybe Hispanic, although to get away with that he would have had to open a Lawn Care business, which would have conflicted with his teaching position at the university. But anyway, back to our story:

But some Daphne residents are upset that the Baldwin County school system is permitting its students to learn what they call “a culture of hate.”

Oh here we go.

“When you teach Arabic, you have to teach the culture along with it,” said Chuck Pyritz, whose two sons, Isaiah, 17, and Isaac, 14, attend Daphne High. “The culture is intertwined with Islam.”

When asked where he came by his knowledge of how foreign languages were taught, Mr. Pyritz explained that he often rode the bus to work with the hispaniards. We'd also like to point out that it probably is significant that Mr. Pyritz's sons are named Isaiah and Issac, two deeply Christian names which means Mr. Pryritz and his family are no doubt steeped the tolerance, love and forgiveness for which that religion is famous.

So what does the school district have to say about this underhanded attempt to sneak Sharia law into the nicknameless state of Alabama?

School officials believe the class will help prepare students to succeed in a global economy.

"Now most people would say Chinese is the language to learn if you want to succeed in the global economy," said Alan Lee, superintendent of the Baldwin County school system. "But we thought with that there Muslin sympathizer in the White House, this might give our kids a better chance at surviving when we're invaded by Iran."

“This is America, and English is our language, and while I understand the alleged premise of offering Arabic at our high school, I don’t agree with it,” said Michael Rife, who lives in Daphne. "And since this is a democracy, y'all have to do what I want. Just like in Washington."

Pyritz cited the case of jihadist Omar Hammami, who grew up in Daphne, as a compelling reason that school systems should not offer courses in Arabic. "He grew up here before Arabic was offered in the high school. Attended the school but then dropped out," Mr. Pyritz told the Board meeting. "Good lord people, can't you see the connection here?"

“It is not just another language; it is a language of a religion of hate." Added Mr. Rife. "Unlike English which is the language of a religion of love and tolerance."

Multilingual job candidates will have an advantage in the Alabama job market, given the variety of international companies, Lee said, including Airbus Americas (French), ThyssenKrupp (German), Outokumpu (Finnish), Toyota (Japanese) and Hyundai (Korean). "Now can you see why we want to teach Arabic?" Lee asked.

Why does Alan Lee hate America?