Girl Scout Cookies. Harmless Treat, Or Lesbian Mind Control Pills?

Full disclosure: We luuuurvvvves us some Girl Scout Cookies. Samoas, man, they are like little disks of chocolaty, carmely crack. Can not get enough of those bad boys. So imagine our surprise when we find out that in all these years scarfin' Samoas, as well as the occasional Thin Mint, Tagalong and Dulce de Leche (which is Spanish for "Eat me by the handful")  we have been unknowingly SUPPORTING THE LESBOS!!!gasp!!

A conservative pastor and radio host, who thinks "feminism has been devastating to the country," begged his listeners not to buy Girl Scouts Cookies because he claims the "wicked" organization promotes lesbianism and abortion.

"And on top of that,"  Pastor Kevin Swanson grumbled, "If you go to their website you'll see they're supported by Michelle Obama, so add angry radical feminist to the list. Oh, and black. Make that angry black radical feminist."

Swanson upbraided the Girl Scouts for not promoting a biblical vision of "godly womanhood" and asked — if you absolutely must purchase the treats — to cross out every reference to the youth organization on the box with a black magic marker.

OK, let's get this straight. It's fine to buy and eat the cookies as long as you deface the box they came in. We're not sure the Rev has thought this whole non-support thing through.

The Girl Scout Cookie Program aims to introduce girls to business and financial skills, a goal Swanson and his co-host, Dave Buehner, faulted.

"The last thing we need in this world is more competent people," Swanson said. "Mark my words, it will be the death of the Republican party, not to mention what it will do to our uniquely American institutions like voting. I mean, you let women get a foot in the door with the  19th amendment and now look. You got women Senators, women Governors, women mayors and state representatives. Where does it all end? Hillary was a Girl Scout you know."

Buehner added, "Are you trying to create a woman who's gonna compete with men in the marketplace, or are you trying to create a woman to be a helpmate to a man so that he can compete in the marketplace?"

Umm...Both?

"Understand what a biblical approach to raising sons and raising daughters is all about, and be very, very careful how you do it," said Swanson.

Gotcha Rev. And remember, first rule of the biblical approach to raising daughters is women are good for two things: Making babies and sammiches and ain't nobody selling Girl Scout Sammiches, get it?