Thursday, November 15, 2012

Florida! Motto: Jim Crow 2016

When our old daddy became exasperated with the ill conceived shenanigans of someone he would often declaim to all within earshot--which was generally the entire neighborhood--"That (colorful Anglo-Saxon expletive) could screw up a hanging with a new rope!" 

As maturing Ironicii we were not always sure what the literal import of that description was, however even then we were certain that it was not a positive assessment. We tell you this because the phrase echoed back through our memory as we read about the recent attempt Florida made to actually conduct an election in a way that was not reminiscent of that classic silent era film The KeyStone Cops Meet Abbot And Costello On 2 4 1 Margarita Night.

Gov. Rick Scott of Florida on Saturday said he requested a review of his state's voting processes with a particular emphasis on areas where voters waited four hours or longer to cast their ballots. "Apparently four hours wasn't long enough," Scott said. "'Cuz that dagum Kenyan got hisself reelected."

"We are glad that so many voters made their voices heard in this election, but they were the wrong voices, so as we go forward we must see improvements in our election process or this trend will continue," Scott said in a statement. "I have asked Secretary of State Ken Detzner to review this general election and report on ways we can improve the process after all the races are certified. And by 'races' I don't mean the ones with votes. I mean you others out there, especially the Hispaniards.”

More than 8.5 million votes were cast this year, Scott said, an increase from the approximately 8.3 million Florida ballots cast in 2008.  "How the heck is that possible?" Scott asked. "I mean, we cut early voting almost in half, from two weeks to eight days, and for as little as six hours for each of those days; we tried to throw almost everybody I don't know personally off the voting rolls, and we closed polls on a whim and towed the cars of voters still waiting in line. What more could we have done?"

"We need to make improvements for Florida voters who vote correctly, while screwing it up as best we can for everybody else and it is important to look at processes on the state and the county level. We will carefully review suggestions for whitening the voting process in our state." Detzner said. "One of my favorite suggestions? Using trailers as polling stations in minority neighborhoods. That way we can move them around during the day and make them harder to find."

Yeah, good luck with that. Look Florida, maybe it's time to face facts. You've been trying to screw up elections for 12 years now, and even when you did mess it up in 2000 you needed the Supreme Court to cover you when the vote began to turn. Obama won in 2008 and he won again this time even though you did everything but threaten to turn dogs loose on any voter whose sun screen was less that SPF 50. Truth is, you're just not very good at this, so maybe you ought to give it up and go back to what you do best, running an efficient and responsive state government.

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