Oh man, look out James Cameron, sit down Stephen Spielberg. Quentin Tarantino? Get outta here. The overlords have made a movie!!!11eleventy11!!! Well, we think they've made a movie. At least they say they've made a movie and they have a website to prove it.
Now, a lot of you are probably skeptical, given the technological acumen of the overlords that they can figure out which end of a pencil to put on the paper let alone produce a major motion picture, so the crack investigative team here in the marbled halls of IM Central has sobered up long enough to delve into this multimedia conundrum.
The "alleged" film is being produced by Silver Line Productions. See, we say alleged because that's what they say on CSI Miami a lot. Anyway we checked and Silver Line Productions--if that is indeed their real name--is a wedding photography company somewhere in California. Of course there was a whole page of Silver Lines when we Googled it so that may not be the right one, but hey, who do you think you're dealing with here, Special Agent Gibbs or something?
OK so we examined the web page and found that it was created on March 29, 2012 using one of those Go Daddy knockoffs and it must have been free because the hosting company has ads for itself all over the page. On the Home page there's a photo of a greyhound standing alone in the snow tied to a fence. We're not sure what to make of this except that it is probably meant to symbolize the amount of care and concern the overlords have for the units...um...we mean the greyhounds.
The About page lists the production team and tells us the film will be called "Muzzled" and will be "A short documentary looking into the world of Greyhound racing. As a sport, it has recieved (sic)a lot of negative portrayal; we aim to show the positive side of the industry and the various people involved in Greyhound Racing." We tend to think this part is authentic because of the misspelling. We mean come on, we are dealing with the overlords here.
Alyssa Patel is listed as the producer (Hey Alyssa, i before e except after c...) Now, Google tells us that Alyssa Patel is the world's youngest piano player, so we're thinking she's decided to branch out into films. The Director is Bianca Donohoe whose previous films include Chinatown, Georgia Rule, The Royal Tenenbaums, and Fight Club, although to be fair we should point out that she just went to see those movies, she didn't really, you know, direct them and stuff.
The next page contains the film's trailer which is 25 seconds long and shows some dogs doing stuff. Now we figure if the average film trailer is a little over two minutes and the average film is about 90 minutes, that ratio means Muzzled will be approximately 15 minutes long. Without the credits of course. That will make it longer. Course they said it was going to be "short," so the movie going public is only getting what they were promised, we guess. Plus, you won't run out of popcorn halfway through the picture.
OK, so no film gets released without a big PR build up so it's no surprise the next page is the Press Packet. Imagine our surprise when we see there is nothing on the page. Then we remembered "recieved" and we thought, OK they couldn't get the high school intern in to write the release because she thought it was more important to go to Soccer practice, so the whole press thing had to be rescheduled. Christ, these egos, huh Sugar? Wonder if Martin Scorsese has to put up with this kind of hassle.
here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here.