Thursday, November 12, 2009

OK, But Don't Let Fox News Report On The Crowd Size*

Whoa. Here's a scary headline:

Sarah Palin Determined to Strike in US

OK, we're paraphrasing, but the point is the formerly super secret triple lockdown stealth speaker (available for conventions, meetings and bar Mitzvahs--call for rates) is about to GET IN YOUR FACE you liberal, commie, socialist...umm...liberal, socialist, commie, something something BAD! Did we mention you're a communist?

Last year's Republican vice presidential comedy star is starting a book tour next week to promote her graphic novel, "Glowing Rouge: Coco Rose In America." Yeah, and this time she actually read it too, so get ready to have your cute little buttocks handed to you Couric. Umm..we mean she wrote the book.

Is it a thinly-veiled bid to test the waters for a possible 2012 Republican presidential bid, or simply an effort to make money and cement her celebrity status?

Uh, yes?

"From Michigan, the 'Glowing Rouge' tour will cover as much of the country as possible," Palin had somebody write this week on her Facebook page. "I've decided to stop in cities that are not usually included in a typical book tour. And by that I mean places where the illiteracy rate tops 20%."

Hahahaha! Get it? Because the book will sell best in places where people can't read. See? That's funny...wait. She's coming here?

The walking, talking carnival ride, who's often listed in the 2012 Republican presidential field because, well, really, who cares, will make her mark on copies of "Glowing Rouge" at Barnes & Noble Auto Body in Grand Rapids at 7 p.m. Nov. 18.

Oh, Grand Rapids. Pyramid scheme central. Coincidence? We think not.

Palin remains as unmedicated as ever, beloved by third grade dropouts and derided by people with good personal hygiene, a year after bursting onto the national stage with her wink and her photo of Putin that she took from her porch with Republican presidential nominee...uh...Jim?...Joe?...What was that guy's name again?

Yet there is no denying her star status in the Republican Party, where she is often mentioned alongside possible Republican candidates in 2012, such as Ronald Reagan, Barry Goldwater and Herbert Hoover, all of whom suffer form the distinct disadvantage of being dead. Like the republican party.

"Obviously she is going to be a major player for some time to come," said Saul Anuzis, former chairman of the Michigan Amway Party. "I mean, come on. All you need to be a major player in the republican party today is a pre-existing mental condition."

The tour is a chance at a fresh start for Palin who resigned as governor of Alaska last summer after growing tired of fending off ethics violations accusations from critics. "I'm ready to do that on a national level," she told reporters.

A CNN poll reported last month that more than seven in 10 Americans think Palin is not qualified to be president. Republicans were split, with 52 percent saying she's qualified and 47 percent making doodles in the margin of the survey.

Aside from some paid speeches, Palin has largely communicated via her Facebook page. "Well, in her defense, LOL and OMG are about the only two words she can spell," said an aide who asked not to be identified.

*Right Jon?


Anonymous said...

"Remember, that's Sarah with an H".
How true IM. How true.
Everything, particularly when smaller, has to, just HAS to, look BIGGER!
And, particularly when it comes down to" brains".
Who would have thunk it.
A "Mother" who ain't a "Mother".
A Republican who'd say anything , anywhere, just to get elected and make a killing. ( and literally)
I mean, C'MON!
She carries a rifle? And perhaps, in her own mind, she is indeed, Annie Oakley?
And why NOT?
"Sitting Bull" called Annie Oakley "Little Sure Shot". Kind of cute if you are looking for a "Target". (but let's not forget Sarah Palin is indeed, a Racist)
So, ANY "Target" is just fine with her. And one of color, even better.
But basically, Annie Oakley was known for "Entertainment and Firearms".
Not too far from the truth, we all do fear.
Especially," Globally".

Seeing Eye Chick said...

We should send her some pretzels.

You know that almost worked last time.