Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Uncle Cledus Visits The Marbled Halls

Well, there's been quite a bit o' chin music lately about them fellers a carrying their bang sticks out to meet that colored guy you all elected president of these here united states. Now, most times I don't cotton to havin' to explain somethin' that's plain as the nose on your face, specially to a bunch arugula eatin', latte drinkin', east coast girly-men, but my nephew Ironicus has asked me to come on this here blog thing and set the record straight and I feel like I gotta do it 'cause he's family and all. Not that we're particularly proud of that, but whatcha gonna do? God don't let you pick your relatives.

OK, let's get to it. See, we all know the Negroes are the sons and daughters of Ham who was cursed by Noah because, well, I don't want to get into that case there's some young 'uns in the audience. Anyway, to make sure everyone knew who the sons of Ham were, God turned them black. Now, God's a merciful God and even though he laid a curse on these folks he also made sure he balanced that out with some special talents. That's why colored folks got the natural rhythm.

The other thing that God did for the Negroes was to make sure all the men got...ah...big...ah...well equipped if you take my point. See, I guess God figured if the black folks was gonna be cut outta polite society because a being black and all, he might as well give them something to do amongst themselves that was enjoyable. Like I said, God's a merciful God.

Don't get me wrong, God's all seeing all knowing and all powerful and such, but this here situation is dangerous what with women being the weaker sex and all. Us southern boys are taught by our daddies early on that a white man's pecker can't in no way compete with a black man's 'scuse my French ladies but there ain't no other way to say it.

So when we show up with our peck, I mean our guns strapped on what we're sayin' to any colored gentlemen in the area is we know what's going on, and stay away from our women. It's nothin' personal, it's just the way God made us. And them.

Now you're saying, wait a minute Uncle Cledus, one a them fellers what showed up strapped was a Negro. Yeah, but it's like I told you, God gave the Negroes rhythm and peckers, didn't say anythin' about brains.

I hope this clears it up for you and I apologize again to the ladies for my indelicate language.


Anonymous said...

An AR 15? It is like the beginning of a Barbie and Ken nightmare.
Bang Stick models and all.

Anonymous said...

bodedlaPeter Piper Picked a Peck of Pickled Peppers.

All you're talkiing about is "Pickled Peckers."

Not a "problem".

Anonymous said...

Hamites? Well, considering a lot of blacks in the US have been blessed with voices, dance, sports and writing, I think we white folks got screwed.

Anonymous said...

Well...I think Heidi Klum's guy has just about everything you're talking about.

Seeing Eye Chick said...

Is that why Jews won't eat pork? Is that why we call it Porkin?

Wow, you done cleared a whole lot of mysteries for me Uncle Cletus. You should get one of them thar Dear Abby Collims.

So you can give us advice on Israel, and porkin and armageddon and stuff like that.