Thursday, August 20, 2009

Better Safe Than A Pillar Of Salt

Frequent reader(s) of this blog (Hi SN!) are familiar with the cold gaze of diminished mean are familiar with the fact that we aren't the most religious people in the world around the marbled halls of IM Central. In fact we wouldn't be religious at all, except we were brought up catholic and once you get the holy cold shower you're in--whether you want to be or not. We know this is true because we once asked Sister Arnulfa if you could quit being a catholic. Our question originated from the highest academic ideals because we had just learned that you had to be 18 in order to enter into a valid contract. Since the church baptizes at an age substantially below that threshold, we were interested in the legal ramifications.

Sister Arnulfa explained that god didn't do contracts and we were perfectly free to leave the church anytime we wished provided we wanted to burn in hell for all eternity after we died. That struck us as a little passive aggressive on god's part and we were about to comment when Dale mentioned he'd heard Mormons could re-baptize you into their church after you were dead and wondered if they did that to everyone, or just people who could help out the team in the celestial inter-faith co-ed softball league. At that point Sister Arnulfa got out Caesar's Commentaries like she always did when she sensed the class discussion moving away from her lesson plan and gave us the rest of the hour to translate Book III.

OK, so that was a long winded introduction to this story about the poor lady bus driver in Des Moines who was afraid to get on her bus because it had atheist cooties.

Angela Shiel was suspended after she refused to drive a bus with an Iowa Atheists & Freethinkers ad on its side. The ad reads "Don't believe in God? You are not alone. "Shiel says the message is against her Christian faith. "You think I want to be anywhere near that bus when god reads that sign?" Shiel asked. "Look what he did to the whole city of New Orleans just to get at a few homos. I love my lord and savior, but when he gets his smite on, you can't really call his strikes surgical if you know what I mean."

No argument here, Ms. Sheil, but we think you're OK because when you look at the rest of the story:

The transit authority removed the ads earlier this month after complaints from riders, then reversed course after meeting with the atheist group.
So the sign was on, then it was off, then it was on again. Now, god's a busy person what with convincing Michelle Bachman to run for president and all, and we're pretty sure he doesn't have time to wait around while the transit authority dilly dallies, so the fact that he hasn't sent a meteor your way for wasting his time pretty much means he's moved on to making sure the Cubs don't get in the World Series again this year and you're probably safe, but just to be certain, how about painting a bible verse on the roof of the bus. We suggest Timothy 5:1.


Anonymous said...

Hilarious! That's a good night. :)

Anonymous said...

Got our nuns down to the tee.

Anonymous said...

Signs on....signs off....
Something like all the Greyhounds up to get killed.

Anonymous said...

We're waiting for you to "come down like thunder"!