Love is not love Which alters when it alteration finds, Or Bends with the remover to remove.

Ah, love! That dulcet song wafts through the budding trees of May on a warming breeze mingled with the sweet, sweet scent of lilacs and gently brushes by. You reach out, hesitant, tentative, unsure. What right have you to hope? What reason to dream this happiness, this little slice of paradise can be yours? But wait! What's this? There before you, a butterfly lights on the stem of a rose, its delicate, wings capture the azure sky, aflame in the west with the sunset. Is it a sign? You lean closer, and suddenly what you thought was the Purple Emperor becomes that other shape, If shape it might be call'd, that shape had none, Distinguishable in member, joint, or limb; Or substance might be call'd that shadow seem'd; For each seem'd either; black it stood as night, Fierce as ten furies, terrible as Hell, And shook a dreadful dart; what seem'd his head The likeness of a kingly crown had on. Satan was now at hand; and from her seat The monster, moving onward, came as fast With horrid strides; Hell trembled as she strode.

Oh, it's Bristol.

Levi Johnston and Bristol Palin, the teenage daughter of Gov. Sarah Palin, have broken off their engagement, he said Wednesday, about 2 1/2 months after the couple had a baby.

Wait. "The couple" had a baby? We thought that was Bristol's job. See what happens when you let gays get married? Screws up the whole arrangement god intended.

Bristol Palin said in a statement that she was devastated about a report on Star magazine's Web site that quoted Levi's sister, Mercede, as saying Bristol "makes it nearly impossible" to visit the teenagers' infant son, Tripp.

Mercede, Tripp, Bristol. What is this, the Romneys?

"Unfortunately, my family has seen many people say and do many things to `cash in' on the Palin name," Bristol said.

"Cash in?" You mean like being able to get the big booth by the window at Dennys any time you want, even if that butt head Monegan is sitting there?

SarahPAC spokeswoman Meghan Stapleton did not immediately respond to calls seeking further information. The governor's spokesman, Bill McAllister, declined comment.

Except to say that if that trailer trash thinks he'll ever work in Alaska again he's been hit in the head by the puck one too many times. Can you say Wooten?

Sarah Palin revealed her daughter's pregnancy just days after being named John McCain's running mate on the Republican presidential ticket. She had said in December that her daughter and Johnston "are committed to accomplish what millions of other young parents have accomplished, to provide a loving and secure environment for their child."

Of course, in Alaska providing "a loving and secure environment for their child" means making sure to keep his formula separate from the whiskey and not letting him know there are loaded guns in the house.

In an interview that aired on Fox News last month, Bristol Palin said her fiance saw the baby every day and described him as a "hands-on" dad.

Yeah, but the problem was he had his hands on the new waitress down at the Tug Bar.