Thursday, March 26, 2009

And If We Had Eggs We Could Have Ham And Eggs If We Had Ham

As part of our ongoing series that is, well, going on, we have decided to bring you updates on the lives of those hardy souls who braved the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune in the last presidential election and had their...erm...posteriors returned to them in a tastefully wrapped box. Today, Sarah "in what way, Charlie" Palin.

In a little-noticed speech to AARP Early Bird dinner last week, Palin riffed for nearly an hour on a variety of topics, but the Alaska governor returned multiple times to the "unprecedented level of media slant" that she witnessed during her two-months trying to make John McCain palatable to people smarter than fruit flies. "They would ask me questions and expect me to answer them," she said to the mostly drunk crowd. "They expected me to know stuff right off the top of my head. They never expected that of John McCain. It's because I'm a woman isn't it?"

Reflecting on the campaign, Palin said there were "a variety of reasons" Republicans lost in November, namely the faltering economy, the war, George Bush, the Abramoff scandal, George Bush, wrecking the constitution, the deficit, Halliburton, George Bush, Katrina, incompetence, and George Bush, but she seemed to place most of the blame on the press. "If they hadn't reported all that stuff, we wouldn't need to elect a darkie to run the party to try and convince people who aren't like us that we give a crap about them," she said.

"And there was that media slant this go round," she said. "And unless things change, the GOP had really better can stand together, 'cause we got that on the battlefield also. I call it like I see it and like I lived it on the campaign trail. Not complaining, but dealing with reality."

At this point the members of the audience looked quizzically at one another, but Governor Palin ordered the waitresses to bring another round on her and the room erupted into thundering applause.

The governor also took a shot at an environmental group fronted by actress Ashley Judd — the Defenders of Wildlife Action Fund — that has mounted a campaign against the governor to halt the practice aerial wolf hunting in Alaska. Palin called on her fellow republicans to "stand up to those goofy Defenders of Wildlife celebrity starlets who don't even know about Alaska. We've got millions of acres of pristine wilderness, and abundant wildlife, so we've got to come together as republicans and ask ourselves, what's the best way to wreck that?"

"It's no small accomplishment that no terrorist attack has occurred since 9/11," Palin said. "Well, except for that anthrax stuff, but that doesn't count because the guy who did it was white."

"Sometimes, the middle of the fence is really the most uncomfortable place to be," she said. "How about we just keep it simple? To grow, we've got to be who we are."

"Keep it simple." Well, you got that covered.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Palin also mentioned that she did not have a chance to pray before the debate. Like even God could make her win!