Hi, I'm Alan Keyes. Quit Laughing

We're thinking about taking advantage of the volume discount offered by our local Libation Shoppe because it appears to us our job just got a whole lot easier. To wit: Alan Keyes filed a Statement of Candidacy with the Federal Election Commission-thus officially announcing as a Republican candidate for President of the United States.

Oh, thank you god, thank you. No, really. Thank you.

Yes ladies and gentlemen, as if the Bus Load of Screaming Whackos (tm) wasn't crowded enough already, during a stop in Looneyville, Mr. Alan (pass the Paxil) Keyes sneaked on board. Let's all get ready for some full contact, no pads, off the rails and into the corn, professional grade In. San. I. Ty. Care to start us off Mr. K?

"Christ would not vote for Barack Obama, because Barack Obama has voted to behave in a way that it is inconceivable for Christ to have behaved."

Yeah! Well, that and the fact that the United States hadn't been invented yet when Christ was around. Come to think of it, neither had voting.

"Our first responsibility is not to ourselves. Our first responsibility is to our country and to our God. "

Actually, that's two responsibilities, K man, but we know math isn't your strong suite.

"The flag that was the symbol of slavery on the high seas for a long time was not the Confederate battle flag, it was sadly the Stars and Stripes. "

Ha! Take that liberal elites. Now, it's true the stars and stripes was a little difficult to pick out from time to time, being lost as it were in all the Danish, Norwegian, French, British, and Portuguese flags, but it's in there somewhere, just look carefully. No, not that flag, that one over there. Oops. Not that one either. Our bad.

"It's about time we all faced up to the truth. If we accept the radical homosexual agenda, be it in the military or in marriage or in other areas of our lives, we are utterly destroying the concept of family."

OK, but can we accept the moderate homosexual agenda. You know, that's the one that comes with cake.

"When we, through our educational culture, through the media, through the entertainment culture, give our children the impression that human beings cannot control their passions, we are telling them, in effect, that human beings cannot be trusted with freedom."

Is he talking about Larry Craig?

And what's this? the Kster is going to the values voters debate? This is going to be better than rasslin on the tee vee.