Meet The New Reasons. Same As The Old Reasons

Boy Howdy, president Churchill is In Da House! er we mean Prime Minister Bush. No. OK, you explain America's Mr. Never Surrender then you Islamofascistninjashadowwarriorhomolover...umm...we mean person whose patriotism cannot be called into question just because he disagrees with DER FUHRER!!!11!!

Sorry. Maybe we should just move on.

Bush fought to buy time for his irrational Iraq strategy, as his chief spokesman resignedly said that the war-torn country's lawmakers would take an August vacation. " "You know, it's 130 degrees (54 Celsius) in Baghdad in August," Tony Snowjob explained. "Can you imagine what that does to all those jihadiis hiding on rooftops looking for a clean shot at Maliki?"

Snowjob refused to criticize the move because the Iraqis "quit listening to us years ago" or say whether there had been recent US efforts to threaten them, even though top US officials including Vice President Dick Cheney had done so. "Well, in his defense I have to say that disarmed, Cheney isn't as persuasive as he can be," he added.

In a fresh blow to Bush's mismanagement of the war, two of his Republican party's dwindling supply of continent white men, Senators Richard Lugar and John Warner, urged him to start pulling US troops out of the cross-fire by the end of the year. "Or next year. Or the year after that," Warner said. "The president, who I completely disagree with by the way, knows what he's doing and deserves our support."

"We are attempting to ensure that US military and diplomatic policy is prepared for change when the Petraeus report arrives in September," said Lugar, whose plan does not include a hard date for completing the withdrawal. "Hey, I said 'prepared' for change," he added. "I didn't say we'd actually do anything. This is Congress for crying out loud. Why do you think the people sent us here?"

The move came one day after the House of Representatives voted to withdraw most US combat troops by April and as Bush held a videoconference with top military aides in Baghdad and Washington to hammer home his point that the war can, and must, go on until he's safely hidden away in Paraguay. When asked if there shouldn't be some sort of plan to achieve victory if that was the desired result, the president responded that he "wasn't a detail man."

While he spoke, the aides sitting around the conference table at the White House, including Defense Secretary Robert Gates and Joint Chiefs chairman General Peter Pace adjusted the pieces on the White House Risk Board.

Bush, who has vowed to veto any legislation mandating what he calls reality, also underlined that "there's still a lot of work to be done," just eight weeks before the deadline "and we've got to come up with more progress."

"I grant you it's not a lot of time," said White House spokeswoman Dana Perino. "We're under no illusion. Now the president, that guy's a walking, talking boogalooing illusion factory, but hey, you govern with the president you have, not the one you wish you had."

"The president is saying, 'Let's give it a little bit more time to work,'" said Perino, "And yeah he's been saying that for four years now, but the classics never get old, do they?" She added that that the Democrats lacked the two-thirds majority to override a Bush veto. "Oh, and cojones. They lack the cojones too."

She also emphasized that House Republicans had, with few exceptions, sided with the White House -- even as increasing numbers of the party's heavyweights in the Senate have broken with Bush's plan. "Yeah. We care what you say."

And the president himself summoned a phalanx of conservative columnists who support the war for chocolate milk at the White House and to repeat why his approach deserves more time. Most declined to show up, however saying Bush was using the same reasons he always had and they could just change the dates on articles they had written a couple of years ago and still make their tee times.