Maybe They Need A Union

America is at war. OK, so it's a war with a bunch of guys in caves, but hey, you go with the war you have, not the one you wish you had. Anyway, the point is, if you're going to fight a war you need soldiers, otherwise you have to send donors and supporters, then where's the money and free publicity going to come from? See, you think it's easy to get someone else to fight a war for you, but it's not. You got evidence to concoct, stories to make up, journalists to fool. OK, that last one isn't so hard, but what this all means is lots of things are going on and it's easy for things to fall through the cracks, like...umm...well, the whole planning the war thing, for one. Equipping the troops properly is another. Minor details really, but still, they mount up.

Take the troops for instance. Aside from wanting to be protected as much as possible when people shoot at them, they want someone to help put them back together after they get blown up, and they want to be paid. This can be a problem when you're cutting taxes to increase the value of all your rich friends' portfolios. What to do? What to do?

Bush administration has said it "strongly opposes" a military pay raise for next January of 3.5 percent. "This is just budgetary irresponsibility," said White House Press Secretary Tony Snowjob. "I mean, this war is already costing us an arm and a leg. If we don't cut costs we're going to have to ask the average American to quit buying Support The Troops car magnets and instead maybe pay more taxes, or not buy so much crap. Then what's going to happen to support for the war?"

The administration also grumbled that the Senate intends to block for another year Tricare fee increases for under-65 retirees and dependents. "Hey, these guys aren't going to be deployed anymore," Snowjob said. "What do they want from us."

The objections appeared in a "Statement of Hypocritical Stuff We Need To Do To Keep From Actually Facing Reality" from the White House's Office of Management Idiocy and Budget Over Runs delivered to Senate leaders as they opened floor debate on the defense authorization bill. Senate Republicans, at White House urging, blocked amendments that would have shortened Iraq tours for U.S. ground forces and slowed the frequency of war deployments. "How can we fight this war if nobody's over there fighting? " asked Snowjob. "If we couldn't keep the soldiers fighting made up enemies we'd have to fight the real ones. Is that what you want?"