Battle Of The Beltway Bozos

Oh we're back Bushie, and it's on, so bring your lunch 'cause it's going to be an all day affair. Congressmen returning from their Independence Day break are ready to cave to the White House again. "Well, the Congresswomen went home too," said Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi," But they're not back yet because everything they put on makes them look fat."

There was relatively high tension on both ends of Pennsylvania Avenue as majority Democrats — and increasing numbers of Republicans — challenged Bush's Iraq war policy. "Well, if by 'challenged' you mean whined," said White House Press Secretary Tony Snowjob.

Senator Susan Collins of Maine, ranking republican on the Homeland Security Committee there had been "a steady erosion for the president's policy because we're never going to get reelected with that bozo hanging around our necks. Oh, and folks are dying too."

"Oooo. So what are you going to do about it Collins? Pass a law? Take our money away from us? I'm shaking in my boots," Snowjob replied.

Meanwhile, several Democratic-run investigations are playing out this week as they head toward contempt of Congress citations and, if neither side yields, federal court. "I got your contempt of Congress right here," said White House Counselor Fred Fielding. "You think the Libby commutation was something? Keep it up and you'll see pardons and commutations like you wouldn't believe."

In a pair of hearings, the House Judiciary Committee will look at Bush's commutation last week of Libby's prison sentence for obstruction of justice in the CIA leak case. "Go ahead and 'look,'" said Snowjob. Ain't nothing you can do about it. Punks."

The next day, the House panel is expected to turn to the prosecutor firings and has scheduled testimony from former White House Counsel Harriet Miers. It's unclear whether she will appear. "It's only unclear if you think we give a rip about subpoenas," Snowjob said. "I put mine in the bottom of my birdcage."

Democrats expect to resume legislative challenges to Bush's policy on the war as the Senate this week takes up a major defense spending bill. "And this time we're really going to make him sweat before we give him the money," said one aide to a democratic senator.

"The president argued that we needed to undertake the surge in order to give the Iraq government the time, the space to pursue the political reforms," Collins said. "That hasn't happened and that's why you see a real change in support for the Iraq strategy. Well, if by change you mean we're going to say bad things about the war. Probably we'll just give him the money anyway though."

In Baghdad Monday, Iraqi Foreign Minister Hoshyar Zebari warned that a quick American troop withdrawal could lead to civil war and the collapse of the Iraqi state. "Oh wait. We have that now," Zebari added. "Let me get back to you."

Leahy and others said they suspect that Bush commuted Libby's sentence to keep vice president Dick Cheney's former chief of staff from revealing internal White House discussions. "Well that's pretty stupid," Snowjob said. "We were never going to reveal those discussions anyway. The president just let Libby off because he was the only one stupid enough to get caught lying."

White House Counsel Fred Fielding, Bush declared executive privilege on the documents subpoenaed by the committees. He argued that releasing them would damage the confidential nature of advice given the president. "Besides, they've got chocolate milk stains all over them.