WWJD?

Man, for folks with god on their side the evangelical movement has sure not been getting the breaks. We mean, there's the whole Haggard...um...affair, republican Jesus getting beat like a money changer in the recent elections, and worst of all, no divine intervention for Katherine Harris. But just when you think it can't get any worse, along comes The Reverend Joel Hunter, of Northland, A Church Distributed, in Longwood, Florida who resigned his position in a dispute about conservative philosophy - more than a month before he was to fully assume his post. "I don't care what the salary is," Hunter told reporters, "I'm not about to take a shower with Dobson to prove I don't have Teh Gay."

Hunter said he quit as president-elect of the group founded by evangelist Pat Robertson because he realized he would be unable to broaden the organization's agenda beyond opposing abortion and same-sex marriage. "Pat told me most people just don't get that worked up about the environment and Christians don't really like poor people."

"These are issues that Jesus would want us to care about," Hunter said. "but they pretty much told me, "These issues are fine, but they're not our issues; that's not our base, that's not where the money is.' "

Hunter hoped to revive the group by expanding its agenda to include what he called "compassion issues." He also planned to teach evangelicals how to "vote with their life," or integrate and apply their Christian values to public life.

"That's all well and good," Robertson said, "But who has time for 'compassion' when there's a government to win back. A government full of gay loving baby killers, I might add."

The coalition's rejection of Hunter's approach means it is unwilling to part with its partisan, Republican roots, Hunter said. "To tell you the truth, I feel like there are literally millions of evangelical Christians that don't have a home right now," Hunter said.

"That's ridiculous," Robertson countered. "Our fund raising data base clearly shows that to be a good Christian you need at least a two bedroom ranch, an SUV and...wait, is he talking about poor people again?"