I Don't Mind Immigrants, As Long As They're Born Here

We will be the first to admit that we don't get out much, but heck, with free delivery from the liquor store for orders over fifty dollars, satellite tee vee and Dominos on the speed dial, what's the point? Still, even we know that there are people in this country who...to put it politely, don't share our skin tone and yet, have the same rights an privileges of citizenship as we do because they were...how you say...born here? Apparently this is all news to Representative Tom Tancredo, (R-Master Race)

Tancredo, the leader of the racist anti-illegal immigration faction in the U.S. House, spent a recent weekend at The Breakers in Palm Beach. "Miami, he told a conservative online news site," has become a Third World country. Criminy sakes, have you seen all the brown people down here? And what's worse, some of them don't speak English."

When asked if he thought that a substantial portion of the citizens of Miami might be natural born citizens who have lived in the city all their lives, Tancredo responded, "Can't be. Too dark."

"You just pick Miami up and move it someplace. You would never know you're in the United States of America. You would certainly say you're in a Third World country,'' Tancredo said. "Of course if you could pick it up and move it someplace you might actually be in a Third World Country, but that's not my point."

The remarks drew an instant rebuke from Miami Representative Ileana Ros-Lehtinen (R-Chica Calente), who called Tancredo a ''Dumb Cracker'' and extended an invitation for him to come and judge the city for himself. "Let him bring his gringo butt down here and say that stuff to my face."

Tancredo, who chairs the bipartisan House Immigration Reform Caucus and championed a fence along the border with Mexico, said in an e-mail sent by his office that his comparison was based on crime statistics he believes "are deeply rooted in the immigration debate. White is right and Brown is down. Sorry Senorita Beaner," the message concluded.

'A recent documentary comparing Miami-Dade County to Baghdad was the kind of responsible journalism I like to see" he wrote, referring to an Australian documentary that compares Miami to Baghdad, "no one can argue that it is not one of America's most brown areas.''

''Moreover, the sheer size and number of ghettos ethnic enclaves devoid of any English and dominated by foreign cultures is widespread,'' Tancredo said in the statement. "Now, if these 'enclaves' were like the Indian reservations, fine, but my understanding is people who live in these 'enclaves' can come and go as they please, and some of them even mingle with the white race.''

Tancredo didn't visit Miami on the Nov. 18-19 trip, but has visited before, a spokesman said. And, if Ros-Lehtinen's invitation includes ''a stay at a five-star beachfront resort, he may be willing to look beyond the inherent dangers that he had cited and visit Miami again,'' his spokesman said. "Just keep us away from the darkies."