Tuesday, May 03, 2005

Luckily No Hostages Were Hungry

First reports from concerned neighbors at the old folk's home across the street said unknown operators were smuggling a bazooka into a school in New Mexico. Police were summoned, jets were scrambled and SWAT teams rolled. The area was cordoned off and the National Guard alerted, except they were in Iraq, so a local biker gang was drafted into service instead.

State police, City police and the County Sheriff's Department arrived at the school shortly after 8:30 a.m. They searched the premises and determined there was no immediate danger. Turns out it was just a burrito. "We were a little concerned at first about the amount of hot sauce on the burrito, "said Sheriff's Deputy Clayton Messer, "but we determined it was only the mild version, so we let it go."

We can't afford to take chances with ethnic food," said police Chief LeRoy Biggers. "Sure, this time it was Mexican, but next time, who knows? It could be falafel, or humus."

The burrito was part of eighth grader Michael Morrissey's extra-credit assignment to create commercial advertising for a product. "We had to make up a product and it could have been anything. I made up a restaurant that specialized in oddly large burritos," Morrissey said.

"That Morrissey kid's always been a little different OK?" said school Counselor Mr. Mackey. "Burritos are on the menu in the school cafeteria, OK?"

After the lock down was lifted, parents pulled 75 students out of school and took them to a nearby Italian Restaurant. "There needs to be security before the kids walk through the door," said Heather Black, whose son attends the school. "My kid has a peanut allergy. What if this Morrissey boy had been smuggling cans of Planter's?"

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