If Minks Could Fly Airplanes We'd Really Be In Trouble

We thought the terrorist color code (which we never did quite figure out. Is beige worse than dark salmon? And what about magenta?) was to alert us to the possibility of attack by brown skinned foreigners, or a slip in Bush's poll numbers.

Now we find out we've been afraid of the guy who let the minks out of their cages. Environmental and animal rights extremists are the nation's top domestic terrorism threat, the FBI has told lawmakers.

When asked why Islamic Fundamentalists shouldn't be considered a greater threat, particularly in the light of 9/11, John Lewis, Deputy Assistant Director of the FBI's counterterrorism division replied, "Well, these eco-nuts are a lot easier to catch and we need to put up some good numbers around budget time."

Lewis said the FBI made its conclusions after analyzing all types of cases and comparing the groups with “right-wing extremists, KKK, anti-abortion groups and the like.” He said most animal rights and eco-extremists so far have refrained from violence targeting human life.

Asked to explain how these groups could be considered threats when they "have refrained from violence targeting human life," Lewis responded that he wasn't sure, but he thought it might have something to do with FBI Chief Mueller's wife having red paint thrown on her fur coat at a PETA demonstration.

Senator James Inhofe of Oklahoma, the panel's chairman, said he hoped to examine more closely how the groups raise money and get communications support from “mainstream activists,” not directly blamed for the violence, who are affiliated with tax-exempt organizations. "I know the Humane Society is behind this somehow," Inhofe said.